Eli and Josie encourage a real-life 40 year-old virgin to keep looking for the partner who will accept him for all the greatness he has to offer.
Originally appeared at She Said He SaidDear Sexes: With my last birthday i became a Steve Carrell movie title. This wasn’t planned – it’s because of decades of shyness and insecurity about my body. I know I’m not well endowed. I’m prefectly willing to use other methods to please a potential partner. My question is how much, if anything, should I tell my future partners?
She Said:First, the idea that you’re not well endowed should be addressed. Please remember that the “average” penis is about 5 inches long, erect. That means that a good number are significantly less than that. There’s a super interesting website about penises called ErectionPhotos.com that you should check out if you haven’t yet. The basic idea over there being that men are used to seeing penises in porn, but those penises are the hand-selected ones and are usually significantly bigger than average. In real life, penises are incredibly diverse and ErectionPhotos.com gives us insight into that in a non-sexual and very accepting and welcoming environment.
It’s also super important that you know that it doesn’t take a huge penis to please most women (I really can only speak for women, if you’re a gay man and would like to add something, please do in the comments!). If you read up on the notion of “slow sex” you’ll learn that it’s so much more about the g-spot and the clitoris than going deep. Sure, some women will want a penis that can challenge her comfort zone, but most would rather have an attentive lover who wants to connect and make her come… Possibly multiple times in multiple ways. Cool thing is, you sound game for that! Also, check out the tips we learned for maximizing sexual pleasure with a smaller-sized penis.
As far as the shyness goes, you’re right, that is tough. Men are expected to approach women, and if you feel uncomfortable with that then meeting women can be a challenge. This is going to sound trite, and you’ve probably heard it a billion times, but you have to fix the internal narrative in your mind that says that for whatever reason you aren’t as worthy as other men of approaching a woman. All men get rejected. Sure, there are a few who are rejected less, but men and women who put themselves out there realize that rejection is a part of the game.
Of course, there are ways of increasing your odds of success, but I will defer to this GREAT podcast by Harris O’Malley of Doctor NerdLove. He gives a great breakdown of how to approach women, step-by-step in a way that is both effective and respectful.
But in truth, there’s nothing wrong with being shy. My best suggestion is that maybe Internet dating is a good option for you. I know, it sounds a bit cheesy, but I can name ten people without even trying who have met their spouses over Match or eHarmony or JDate! It’s awesome and crazy how successful the whole thing is. And these are people who vary widely on the “hotness” scale – from a couple who are both quite overweight, to a couple who are both painfully shy, to a few couples who are cute and outgoing.
For future partners, I’d say don’t bring it up on the first date. Keep the first date fun and light. When she first brings up sex, confide. Tell her what you told us. She’ll understand. She’ll probably be honored you chose her. If she’s not, she’s just going to be a pain in the ass down the line anyway. Remember, the fact that you’ve waited could be one of your greatest assets to the right girl.
He Said: Penis size varies drastically. And orifices (vaginas, anuses, etc…) also come in many different shapes and constructions. Don’t psych yourself out of the game, before you have a chance to get into it. Somewhere out there is the perfect fitting glass slipper for your penis (whatever size it may be).
Keep in mind, there are many ways to please a lover, and a large penis is not a prerequisite. Where there’s a will there’s a way – so continue to be eager to please and eager to learn. And what works best between two people is really specific to each new partner.
Also, I would not provide future partners with too much (unnecessary) information. Ask yourself this: if you were down on your looks, would you tell potential partners you think you’re ugly? You probably wouldn’t say that, because you’d be shooting yourself in the foot. Same goes for your thoughts about your penis. Stay positive, and try your best to have a healthy image of yourself. When you get in the sheets with someone, see how your private parts match up, before you convince yourself otherwise.
You’re a virgin, dude. You have plenty of room to learn and grow, including your own sexual capabilities. Don’t underestimate yourself. Just love your partner up! And stop being such a dude – no more porn for you! Those colossal penises are much more the exception than the rule.
Eli and Josie, friends since college, realized how lucky they were to have one another—an honest friend of the opposite sex who tells it like it is. They wanted to share that with the world and so www.shesaidhesaid.me was born.