Realize the Signs Before You Become a Door Mat

It’s easy to make excuses for the people we love.

The outcome is a lot less mild than jumping to conclusions. But ignorance isn’t bliss.

Instead, it’s a slow drift to breaking up.

Here are six signs you’re the one carrying your relationship. Meanwhile, your romantic interest is doing the bare minimum.

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Extreme laziness

How extreme?

It makes strangers seem like they care more about you.

How was your day?
What did you have for lunch?
Was the traffic terrible?
Did you have the meeting you mentioned last week?
How are you feeling today?
What do you plan to do this weekend?
What do you want for dinner?

It’s easy to ask someone about themselves or their day. I’ve had awful days. Yet, I still care enough to know how my partner’s day went.

If someone has no interest in you, they won’t care much about what happens in your life.

Something new about you, like coming home late. Planning an outfit for work. Different mood. New recent behaviors are all cues for your partner to ask about your life.

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Out of orbit

Couples are annoying. They pair up most times.

It’s like they orbit each other. People in love are always with each other. Or at least they know where their partner should be right now.

For some, the reality changes.

One partner prefers to hang out with friends. Or works a lot more than necessary. You drift apart. With crushes, distance makes the heart grow fonder. In relationships, it gets more challenging to stay faithful.

If you’re the only one scheduling time to do activities together, your lover isn’t trying at all.

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Bored together

You tell your partner you feel distant from them.

They schedule a time to be available. But here’s the kicker. They arrange nothing for you to do together. No movie in mind. Nothing.

A connection doesn’t happen because you’re both in a room together. It needs initiation.

A conversation. Hand holding. Laugh, innocent touches, and looks into each other’s eyes.

If your partner doesn’t have plans for your time together, they do it out of obligation. The right someone is glad to bring you joy — because it also makes them feel good.

Photo by mikkelwilliam via iStock

Heavy boulder attitude

Asking is a burden.

Many people prefer to suffer in silence. Yet, your lover can’t read your mind. It’s not below you to ask.

You prefer not to feel like a beggar.

You dread the person’s reaction. Their complaints make you feel like you are a horrible inconvenience.

If you request the favor, you may also need to ensure they follow through. And get it done. This feeling isn’t great.

Your romantic interest will get tired if you always ask for help. Sure. But if, for example, your partner is going to the fridge and you ask for water, it should not be a big deal.

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Can’t stick around

How people use their free time is a choice.

People make time for the valuable stuff in their lives. I’ll rush home for a show. When family members plan stays during the holidays, I move events around to spend time with them.

People who only want something are quick to leave when they get it. Don’t create excuses for someone aloof about why they need to go.

Notice what someone asks of you when their schedule opens up. It’s okay if someone wants to see you. But if your person requests a favor, they are sticking around long enough to get you to say yes.

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The afterthought

Your partner only included you to not be a terrible person.

The worst plans get made because “they thought” you liked an activity. These events get arranged because it is convenient for the planner.

If it’s an intentional surprise, they’ll listen to you. Or ask your friends what you like.

And if they wanted to spend quality time with you, they would check your availability. Otherwise, your partner is pretending to care.

Thank you for reading!

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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