As a relationship grows certain things get better and other things require more effort. After years together one of the areas that can suffer and often fall by the wayside is your intimate life. At the beginning of a relationship it can feel like no night is complete without some one-on-one time. But as time goes on, daily life and the many responsibilities that come with it have can make it easy to feel like sleep is more important than sex.
Unfortunately, if this goes on too long the lack of intimacy can have a negative impact on your relationship. Sex is an important component of most strong relationships and, like many things, it requires time and effort to maintain. So what are some things that you can do to build and maintain a better sex life? Check out the tips below.
1. Talk about it.
Stop avoiding the elephant in the room, If your intimate life is suffering you both know it – so talk about it. One of the biggest hurdles couples face when sex and intimacy start to decline is facing each other and talking about it. The “it” being how they feel about sex. Too often couples, no matter how close they are, feel bashful about discussing their sex lives. As a result, problems go unaddressed and continue to grow. So do your best to avoid compounding things by staying silent and talk.
2. Agree sex is a priority.
You may think you both feel like your sex life is (or should be) a priority, but without talking and saying it out loud you are just assuming. As you are discussing things lay it out in no uncertain terms.
3. Schedule as necessary.
It doesn’t seem very romantic, but if you have fallen out of the habit, you may actually need to put your intimate life on the calendar, at least initially. This can help you make sure that you both keep your agreement to make it a priority. And it doesn’t have to unromantic – it can actually give you something to look forward to.
4. Avoid complaining or blaming.
There will be times, despite your best efforts, that things don’t go the way you intended. That’s okay. It may be frustrating, and it may not be your fault. But that doesn’t mean complaining or blaming your partner is okay. In fact, doing so will set you back further than where you started. This goes for your initial conversation as well. If things have cooled off in the bedroom, pointing fingers or whining about it will not – repeat, will not – help.
5. Get creative.
This can be interpreted many ways. What you need to take from it, however, is that the same 4-step routine (or 2 or 5 – whatever) may need a shake up. Sex shouldn’t be – but definitely can become – routine and that can make things less exciting and lead to less interest by one or both partners. One of the reasons things were so exciting in the beginning is because they were new and different. That can still be the case, but now it requires thought and effort. So spend some time thinking and figure out how to liven things up with new approaches, new settings, or whatever fits for you two.
6. Yes, kiss.
Without expectation, at random times, and for no reason. Kissing is one of the most intimate (and easy) things a couple can do, and yet it can remind you of what you have to look forward to. So kiss before you leave for work, when you see each other at lunch, or even in the car before you go into the store. And not just a peck – a KISS. You are likely to be surprised at how much this can bring your intimate life alive.
Relationships go through phases. If you haven’t had a dry spell in your intimate life yet, you will and that’s entirely normal. The important thing is that you recognize it and not let it go on too long. Working with your partner to make your sex life fun and a priority will go a long way to keeping the other areas of your relationship happy and healthy as well.