Reasons to Dump Your Man Before Valentine’s Day

If you normally love Valentine’s Day, but this year you’re dreading the idea of spending it with your man, there might be a reason. Maybe multiple ones. Ask yourself if it’s time to cut ties.

You don’t need to:

Stick around for the gifts.
Feel bad because the holiday is coming up.
Wait until the holiday is over.
Worry about spending it alone.

There are several valid reasons to dump your man before Valentine’s Day, saving you time, money, and emotional bandwidth.

He Buys Gifts Out of Obligation

When a holiday or your birthday rolls around, you know you’ll receive a gift. However, it’s not given with love or intention, more like obligation. Maybe he even told you in the past that he only gives you gifts on these days because he doesn’t want to hear you complain. How sweet…

You Celebrate the Important Days, but He Doesn’t

You go all out for his birthday, Valentine’s Day, Christmas, your anniversary, and any other important day on the calendar. But him? He “forgets” every single occasion. Let’s chalk this up to weaponized incompetence.

You’re Carrying the Entire Relationship

You make the plans, start the tough conversations, always apologize first, reach out to say hi, and basically run the entire relationship. He does a fraction of that…if you’re lucky. There needs to be some type of balance in a relationship. If you’re doing most of the work, that means your emotional needs aren’t being met.

You Feel Lonelier With Him Than Without Him

Your partner should make you feel loved, desired, and appreciated, both when you’re physically together and when you’re not. It’s a serious problem if you’re feeling lonely in your relationship. This isn’t just a rough patch; it’s a warning sign of deeper issues.

He Thinks the Bare Minimum Is Still Too Much

Everyone has their own definition of what the “bare minimum” is. However, basic stuff like cleaning up after himself, checking in with you daily, making you laugh often, and talking through problems shouldn’t require a manual. If he thinks that kindness, open communication, appreciation, and respect are too much work, then he shouldn’t be surprised if Valentine’s Day turns into a breakup holiday.

You’re Waiting for Him to Be “Better”

You should never be with a man for his possibility or potential. Take him for how he is now. For example, if he’s not respecting you today, don’t expect him to magically change tomorrow. Your time, energy, and heart are worth much more than a “maybe someday.”

He Broke Your Trust But Doesn’t Try to Fix It

Once he breaks your trust, it’s hard to look at him the same way you did before. Sure, it’s possible for a relationship and trust to be rebuilt when both of you actually put in the effort. But if he’s not doing a d*** thing to fix the situation and expects you to forgive and forget anyway, it’s time to walk away. If he doesn’t care about improving the relationship, then neither should you.

He Doesn’t Make You Feel Emotionally Safe

Every couple argues at some point. However, if you’re afraid to be honest because it sparks a negative reaction, he’s not allowing you to feel emotionally safe. You shouldn’t have to tiptoe around serious conversations (or any conversation) because he might shut down, start an argument, or try to get even. Maybe he even tries to minimize your feelings or tells you that you’re overreacting. If you can’t speak your mind without walking on eggshells, it’s not love. It’s a giant red flag just in time for Valentine’s Day.

Your Core Values Don’t Align

Core values like marriage, kids, and lifestyle choices are things you shouldn’t compromise on. For example, you want kids, and he doesn’t, but you’re hoping he’ll change his mind someday. Spoiler: He probably won’t. Compromising on these important areas almost always ends in disaster or resentment.

You’ve Outgrown the Relationship

The two of you may have started out in the same place, but now you’re healing, growing, and evolving. Good for you! Unfortunately, he’s not. Even worse? He resents the progress and tries to put you down or prevent you from moving forward. Your man should be one of your biggest cheerleaders, not try to hold you back from being your best self.

You’re Staying Out of Comfort

This is a major problem in many long-term relationships. Both of you know there are issues and that one or more serious things are missing, but you continue on anyway. You’ve now reached the point where there are problems like feeling emotionally disconnected, unfulfilled, and irritated over the small things. If you even have sex, it’s usually just…okay. There are obvious signs that something’s off. This is more than just being in a rut; it’s being stuck. Many people cling to comfort because they don’t want to feel like they wasted years. Don’t give up years of potential future happiness by choosing to stay in a relationship that no longer meets your needs.

In honor of Valentine’s Day, commit to loving yourself enough to leave your man if you feel you deserve more and he’s not treating you right. Yes, it will probably hurt for a while, but it’s the best gift you can give to your future self.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.