A one-sided relationship won’t significantly improve your life because it lacks the dynamic that fosters constant true connection and healthy conflict.
In comparison to how you are there for them, they are not as present for you.
Although you are aware of the things you have done for them, you cannot claim that they have constantly treated you the same way. According to Williams, if you find that you have to fulfill all of their demands rather than encounter a flow of compromise throughout the partnership, this is a red flag of a one-sided relationship. If they only talk to you when they want something, but are unavailable to you when you need them, make a mental note of it.
You are the only one who tries to keep the connection going.
Williams claims that rather than being a shared obligation, establishing intimacy or connection feels completely like your responsibility. They can try to minimize or dismiss it if you do bring up the unequal amount of work that was put into the relationship, making it seem as though your experience was overblown or inaccurate.
You make an effort to lot their choices.
They always seem to be experiencing hardship and never seem to enjoy a nice day. Repeatedly defending your partner’s actions may appear to be a show of kindness and love, but it could also mean that you are denying reality and encouraging them to carry on. Instead of appreciating your partner for who they are, you tend to focus more on their “potential.”
When you stop to think about it, there are a lot more unhappy feelings than pleasant ones.
The relationship is afflicted by the predominance of blame and self-blame rather than healthy fury and guilt, which are intended to hold the proper individuals accountable, according to Joanne B. Kim, LMFT, who spoke with mbg. There is a persistent and intensified feeling of fear, guilt, and humiliation in addition to resentment.
You are the one that always says I’m sorry.
In contrast to the other individual, who is overly apathetic and unconcerned with other people’s experiences, Kim claims that one person is excessively empathic in contemplating their wishes and feelings. Even if you haven’t done anything wrong, you can find yourself saying sorry more often just to put an end to arguments and reduce the amount of stress the relationship is causing. It has become abundantly clear over time that there is a distinct power imbalance in the manner that you both hold space for one another.
Nobody ever really tells you what they are feeling or thinking.
You may find that you are focusing too much on the other person’s conduct toward you and how their genuine feelings are impacting them as a result of the lack of open communication. Because of your ambiguity, you’ll probably ignore your feelings in favor of concentrating on what they’re feeling. The relationship is likely more characterized by conjecture and speculation than by facts based on the truth and an awareness of where they stand in reality.
They get agitated when you try to set boundaries.
Boundaries are crucial to a relationship’s health because they help avoid conflict, anxiety, and misunderstandings. They are also of the utmost importance. When the burned-out party sets limits, their spouse, friend, or family member becomes upset. This is NOT a sign that they did anything wrong; rather, it is evidence that boundaries are crucial.
You think you can change them or exert influence over them.
Because you want to change how people interact with you, you constantly leave clues or give signals. However, in the end, it is up to them to make the decision, not you. People don’t change unless they want to, and to experience change, they must actively participate in the process of growth. Even if you think it’s for their good, it takes manipulation to persuade someone to change who they are, and in the long run, manipulation will end up doing more harm than good.
The connection is no longer there at all.
One-sided relationships rarely result in growth for either partner because there is no focus on advancing the connection. Instead of enduring the difficulty of having unpleasant dialogues that ultimately lead to change, the partnership often focuses on establishing harmony and finding common ground. The relationship is not progressing, thus it starts to affect other areas of your life as well as how you see yourself. You feel as though you are either unable to move forward or are trapped.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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