Do you ever find yourself thinking about a past relationship, wondering if it wasn’t meant to be? Has the person who left or otherwise disappeared in your life suddenly resurfaced, and now you’re wondering what happened?
Did you break up with someone and then change your mind, but now they’re not talking to you anymore? If so, you might be experiencing what is known as “rebounding”.
Rebounding essentially means that after a breakup or other kind of broken relationship, one or both parties are actively pursuing other options.
The main difference between rebounding and a normal relationship or interaction with other people is that the person doing the rebounding is actively trying to forget about, or get over, the previous relationship. This means that they’re not as invested in the other person as they would be if they had rebound relationships with several people at once.
It’s easy to tell whether you are rebounding from a previous relationship before another one has even begun. Look at the big picture: why did you break up with your last partner? Suppose the answer is that you were unhappy, or even just bored, in the relationship, or that there was a specific reason, like a spouse cheating or choosing to be unfaithful. In that case, this next relationship will likely suffer from similar problems. Although it’s possible to rebound from an abusive relationship and end up in a healthy one with a different person, odds are it won’t last long if your new love interest is anything but perfect.
The best way to bounce back from a relationship is by focusing on yourself and your interests.
Do something that you enjoy, like visiting your favourite restaurant or watching a movie with friends. If you’ve been spending all of your time with your previous partner, you must give yourself some space and start doing things on your own again. It’s also important, to be honest with yourself about why you broke up in the first place. Come up with a list of 5–10 positive qualities about yourself, such as being a hard worker or being loyal to your friends, and keep it somewhere you can see it.
Now that you’ve gotten back into the swing of life on your own, it’s time to start looking for a new partner. The key here is not to settle for the first new person who comes along or agree to anything you aren’t comfortable with.
After all, this is about you, so you should only start a new relationship when it’s what you want. Focus on having a great time with the person without worrying about where things might go in the future, and enjoy being in this next relationship for what it is. Before you know it, you’ll have forgotten all about that first relationship and will be ready to be in another one.
There are several reasons why relationships don’t last forever. When a relationship goes through a difficult time, it’s often because one or both partners have some issues they need to work out. In such cases, if the people involved love each other and wish to be together, they will stay together and resolve their issues.
But sometimes, especially in the case of unrequited love on the side of one partner or the other, it can be too much for that relationship to bear.
I was in a relationship for about three years with a girl I really liked, but she didn’t feel the same. She had recently broken up with her long-term boyfriend, and I know that I was pretty immature at the time, but basically, all I wanted to do was be with her and feel like “normal” people.
But she would only talk to me when she wanted something or thought we were breaking some normal human relationship norms (we both played video games). And when she started talking to her ex again, I knew that it was over for me.
After about two months of seeing her sporadically, she ended up letting me know that the relationship wasn’t going to work. I was devastated but gradually got back on my feet again.
She had wanted to break up with me a while before I decided to end things with her, but she said she thought it would be easier for me if we broke up as a couple rather than individually. I guess she thought that I would be less hurt if she said it to me.
Well, we stayed out of each other’s lives for two weeks, and then on a whim, I sent her a Hangout message asking her to hang out with me. To my surprise, she accepted the offer right away. She said that maybe we could work something out as friends. I was really happy about this, and we started to hang out once a week or so.
After about a month, she told me that she had been thinking about me very often and thought she might still have feelings for me. I was with it. After another month, I told her that I had feelings for her. Although we could try to make it work as a couple, she didn’t think it would be healthy for us to do so without seeing other people first. I was fine with this, and we decided to start dating other people.
She went out with a friend of mine, and he moved in with her. They’ve been together for about a month now, and I get along well with her roommate. She keeps talking about giving it another shot — I guess because she admitted that she wasn’t ready to give up on me just yet — but I told her that it would be best if we stayed friends from here on out.
Well, last night we had a sleepover at my house. She said she’d be busy tomorrow (Sunday) from about 6:00 to 10:00 or so, so we decided to hang out later. SHE NEVER RESPONDED after I texted her this morning saying that it was time for us to get ready and head out. I texted her an hour later, saying something along the lines of “Are you coming today or not? It’s almost 6:30”. No response.
It’s been several hours since then, and I haven’t heard from her since. I don’t know why she decided to wait until the last minute to break things off with me.
I’m just confused as to what went wrong here. I thought everything was going great. We had plans for tonight! But she didn’t even have the decency to text me before not coming or giving me a good reason why she wasn’t coming. Thanks for reading this,
Sometimes love ends. And it can be OK to begin to move on when that happens. You can’t control how your former partner will act, but you can make sure you’re going to be happy in the future. Let yourself grieve the end of your relationship, and then forge ahead with your life.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Christopher Alvarenga on Unsplash
