Reclaim Yourself After Narc Abuse

If you’re recovering from narc abuse and have implemented ‘No Contact’ or ‘Moderated Contact’, you’ll likely be stuck in survival mode with your life on hold. For the abused empath, this stage of recovery can feel worse than the rollercoaster of love-bombing and rejection, as going ‘cold turkey’ will quickly reduce your chaotic lifestyle to a safe but bland Groundhog Day existence. No soaring highs, no crashing lows, no nothin’.

Survival Mode is therefore a very dangerous time for the in-limbo empath who, unless they take disciplined and committed action to moving forwards, are in danger of hurtling backwards, straight into the arms of an opportunistic narc.

Having successfully detached from your abuser, you will initially feel like a dismembered rag-doll with zero energy to sew yourself back together. What’s left of the old life will be in tatters; relationships, finances, and career prospects all hanging by a thread.

With your mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical health decimated by the narc, you’ll be sick of diminishing comments from misinformed friends, doctors, and therapists, such as: You need to get over him/her. It’s been ages; just let it go. Move on, already. Right, like it’s that easy to just get over it when you’ve had your entire identity turned inside out for years, maybe decades; maybe since childhood.

In the early stages of ‘No Contact’ or ‘Moderated Contact’, you’ll feel like a heroin addict going through withdrawal. Most people think they’re going to die when they’re abandoned by, or forced to give up, a narcissist. This is because enmeshment with a narc is exactly the same as dependency on a highly addictive drug.

There is a scientific explanation for this: the direct parallels between narc abuse and heroin are apparently caused by ‘peptide addiction’, which you can read about here: https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/the-answer-to-narcissistic-abuse-that-no-is-talking-about-peptide-addiction/.

During trauma, we disconnect from ourselves, and the pathway back is often addictive substances, which means that narc abuse victims going through ‘No Contact’ may turn to other addictive ‘crutches’ to help them through the pain.

Ironically, recovering heroin addicts usually receive more validation, treatment, and understanding than most narc abuse victims do, because their suffering is more tangible. But that’s a whole other article.

If you’re an empath in recovery from emotional abuse, you’ll need a dedicated POA to shift you from survival to ‘thrival’, as nothing will change unless you do. Below is some useful information and tips to get you started; read on until the end and you’ll also get a dating pep-talk.

Get Online

1. If you’re still in the education stage re NPD, or feeling tempted to break ‘No Contact’, self-confessed psychopath HG Tudor will quickly set you straight:https://www.youtube.com/c/HGTudorKnowingTheNarcissistUltra

For a gentler approach, or to top up your information, consult Doctor Ramani:
https://www.youtube.com/c/DoctorRamani

2. If you’re home and dry, but living like a hermit with no future in sight, check out Melanie Tonia Evans. She has a ‘Thriver TV’ channel on Youtube for sufferers of narc abuse, an invaluable blog, and a free 16-day Thriver Course: https://www.youcanthriveprogram.com/freecourse38067260

Here is an empowering extract from one of her articles:

“The narcissist is horrified by an individual standing in their sovereign power, untriggered and unafraid of them. A True Self living their life, regardless of what the narcissist tries to do, freaks a narcissist out. They hate the reflection back that leaves them fully exposed as the defective, broken, unstable one…”
https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com

Alternatively, try her Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Progamme (NARP), the backbone of which is a healing technique based around identifying and releasing the trapped trauma responsible for perpetuating the abuse cycle, then re-connecting to your own life source. Melanie offers a 30-day no questions asked money-back guarantee, so if you’re in financial dire straits you can effectively try this course for free and download all course materials:
Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Progam (NARP):

https://courses.melanietoniaevans.com/p/narp

3. Join a narc abuse community on Reddit or Quora; these forums are saturated with tips, information, and advice from people who’ve suffered narc abuse and know what they’re talking about (just make sure you focus on recovery, not victimisation stories).

4. Watch ‘The Wisdom of Trauma’ featuring Dr Gabor Mate:
https://thewisdomoftrauma.com/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIyq_Zm7br9gIVVuDtCh1ZOwS4EAAYASAAEgLwqPD_BwE

If you’re on a budget or out of work, there’s enough free information here to help you design your own recovery programme, so take set a week or two aside and get cracking.

Change Your Daily Routine

If you’re serious about shifting out of survival mode and re-wiring those wonky neural pathways, you’ll need to switch up your daily routine. Even small changes can work wonders on your body and brain.

Here are 10 ideas to stave off the daily drudgery:

If you normally get up at 8am, drink coffee, and scroll through your phone, get up at 730am, drink tea, and do the ‘Morning Pages’ ( a journalling exercise from ‘The Artist’s Way’). Also, try cold showers first thing.
If your daily exercise routine involves yoga, switch to a Hit workout. If you usually go for a run, cycle. If you eat toast for breakfast, switch to porridge. If you’re averse to exercise clean the house or do a physical task. Movement is essential to shift trauma from the body after emotional deep-diving.
Curate your content: ditch the old Spotify playlists (esp any music which reminds you of the narc), switch to Podcasts, or turn the radio on.
Change your look: wear bright colours, get your hair cut, buy a new scent; get rid of any narc-associated outfits, gifts, or household items which make you feel bad (the charity shops will love you and you will feel lighter).
Get outside in nature every day without headphones. Be on your own and start to listen to and dialogue with yourself. Even better, do a daily walking meditation and/or visualisation.
Eat well, dress well, sleep well. You may need to completely revise your diet or add minerals and supplements for adrenal fatigue. Set a sleep alarm and stick to it. Restrict your screen time with an app blocker such as ‘Freedom’, and use a blue light filter on all devices.
Reduce alcohol, caffeine, and sugar, and drink more water; your body and nervous system will thank you for it. Ditch all junk food and ready meals and don’t batch cook. Source fresh food to prepare daily; this will get you out of the house, engage you in the present, and divert your attention towards a more nutritious way of living.
Do as many ‘real’ things as possible: cook, garden, talk to people, take a class, make things from scratch, write with a pen, practice self-care. Prioritise simple pleasures, such as morning coffee in the sun or feeding the birds.
Set time aside each day to check in with yourself and feel your feelings.If you can’t feel anything, start writing and don’t stop until you get somewhere. Alternatively, record and exchange voice notes with a trusted friend; talking will help you identify how you feel, i.e I didn’t know I felt that way until I said it out loud.
Pets; if practical, get one, or borrow one. Alternatively, fill your home with plants, or grow veg: loving and nurturing something will work wonders on your fractured soul.

Reintegration And Dating

Once you’re looking and feeling better, and think you’re ready to try dating again, I strongly suggest you read the article below. The last thing you want is to undo all that hard work by repeat-offending with another narc. Remember: Narcs love dating; the apps are swarming with them.

Dating Article:

Fun fact: I shared this article with a malignant narc who knew there was something wrong with him, but didn’t know what. He devoured the info, then exclaimed: Yes, thats 100% me, I am just like all the main protagonists! Knowing this information, I then fell unconscious and tried to date him. Needless to say, that movie did not end well.

Denial is dangerous. Heroin is dangerous. Narcs are dangerous! Read the article, then read it again. Discernment is everything: never compromise yourself to win someone’s love and approval.

When it comes to dating, trust your gut and repeat this mantra: ‘If in doubt, DON’T’. Nobody gets better by f**king the messenger; their job is to wake you up, not rescue you, and if you get it wrong they’ll destroy you.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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