As my little guy has recently turned two, I have spent some time reflecting on these past two years as they have flown by. It has been an absolute blast watching him grow. Every day he learns or does something new, and it’s truly been amazing. Being able to retire early and stay at home and spend as much time as possible with him has truly been a blessing. This however has brought new challenges for me. Specifically, things that I have always struggled with like emotions and relationship building. These struggles though have led to some immense personal growth for me and that is what I want to share today, for any other fathers out there going through something similar.
Growing Up
As a child I was raised to believe that men should embody strength, dominance and invulnerability. This was always the definition of masculinity for me. This very narrow-minded definition has hindered me my whole life, leading me to emotional repression, strained relationships and missed chances for personal growth. Luckily, having a son myself and spending almost every day with him has helped me immensely. He challenges me in different ways daily. Children tend to do that to us. I have almost been forced to embrace this vulnerability, which has led to some major changes in my life.
Vulnerability
My definition of vulnerability is “being open to learning and growth”. I had no idea what to expect when my wife brought my son into this world. I have almost been forced to embrace vulnerability. This means admitting that I do not have all the answers, which typically for me is pretty tough to admit. But in this instance, I really didn’t, and I couldn’t even fool myself into believing I did. Embracing this vulnerability allowed me to demonstrate humility and admit to mistakes (and there were many) and then learn from these mistakes. For me, the biggest struggle I had was with understanding and expressing a full range of emotions. I tell you a child can really send you on an emotional rollercoaster ride over the course of a full day. But being able to be open to the experiences and express emotion and be present with your emotions and those around you is really a great feeling. It also really helps to understand what your kid is going through as he experiences those same emotions as well. This I have found is really the key to building a lasting and meaningful bond with your kid.
Family Dynamics
One of the other key things I have learned from this experience thus far is that embracing my vulnerability has allowed me to let go of certain gender roles and stereotypes that I have had since growing up. I no longer believe that nurturing and caregiving and emotional support is the sole responsibility of the mother. I am an active and willing participant in all 3 of these. I think this helps create a balanced and equal family dynamic as well as allow the mother to have some relief from time to time (which is very important, being a Mom is tough!). Lastly, I believe that me being present and emotionally available to my son is going to help his growth and development immensely, as he will learn what I didn’t at that age, that it is ok to have and express emotions.
What I have learned
In closing, I think embracing this vulnerability and allowing myself to be emotionally available, open and willing to learn I have been able to create a positive and nurturing environment for my little guy. Being present with your emotions, recognizing them and accepting them for what they are, has allowed me to really enjoy the moments spent with the little guy even more fully. Having the learning and growth mindset helps me get through all the mistakes, whether it’s forgetting the diaper bag, or not bringing a change of clothes. If you have anything to share on the topic, feel free to leave it in the comments below!
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Previously Published on dutytodiapers.com
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