I love how abstract-looking this photo is; its distorted appearance matches up perfectly with what my life felt like in June of last year. At the time, I was only halfway through a contentious divorce, living with my parents, working part-time, and in school full time. However, I took frequent intermissions from the Shit Show to swim with my kids and catch my breath before I went back to drowning again in overwhelming pain, stress and grief. To someone who has never experienced a high-conflict divorce alongside the rise and fall of their family unit, I can only describe it as running up a buttery Mount Everest while slowly detaching each and every limb.
Needless to say, I was still trying to gain traction last year after being married for fifteen years and a stay-at-home mom for ten of them.
The first thing that comes to mind (in an overwhelming fashion) is how grateful I feel staring at this photo from last year. My life was a mess back then; I didn’t know if I was coming or going. But all this time, my soft place to land was undeniably plush and secure. My parents’ house was passed down from my grandparents many years ago, and when I see the reflection of the stunning Italian marble statue in our backyard, it hits me how fortunate I am to be right where I am, warm, safe, and supported.
The next photo I took turned out a little less squiggly but still not as clear as I would have hoped. Although, like you and me, the palm trees stand taller, stronger, and more sturdy than last June.