While there’s been a lot of very important social change since the 1960’s, there is a growing urgent sense that these hard won changes have been incomplete and that many gender and racial inequities remain. While there are laws and legislation that support the rights of the oppressed, there is an accelerating awareness of deeper, more subtle and ingrained aspects of oppression and privilege. Now more than ever, these aspects are coming clearly into common consciousness. These more subtle Relational Biases reflect underlying beliefs that support more overt sexism and racism. In addition, by exploring Relational Bias, we can change the underlying beliefs and achieve more complete social change.
While institutional and legal change can address the back-room crooked dealings that exist in our institutions, Relational Bias addresses our psychological “back-room” crooked dealings; our unconscious and deeply held beliefs that manifest on a relational level. It is these beliefs that have to be corrected for each of us to proceed with absolute gender, racial and overall relationship integrity. While many laws and legislations are already in place, our Relational Biases have served as loopholes—bypassing what we know to be right. The hidden games of the past are now being exposed, and through our persistent voices, we can make sure they come to an end and bring about real social change.
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The increasing uncovering of Relational Bias has occurred in feminism and in the even more vocal and intimate discussion of racism. In feminism, a growing trend is relationally empowered women. Women are increasingly becoming aware of how they have been conditioned to participate in compromised relationships, particularly with men. These women no longer sacrifice themselves for their partner’s needs and wants. This is reflected in various articles and discussions such as what awakened women want in relationships. Any man who knows an awakened and empowered woman knows the difference: Awakened women call-out or even reject men who attempt to exercise male privilege in the relationship. While this type of feminism is not new, again, it is becoming more widespread and common.
Nonetheless, I believe that whites continue to need the clear voices of African-Americans who are willing to remain active in this regard. And, with much respect, I thank you.
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Similarly, Relational Bias is being called out on the racial front. African-Americans are addressing more and more subtle kinds of racism. Many brave and vulnerable African-American voices are sharing their truth and more and more white people are listening. For example, racial micro-aggressions are being challenged. As found on Wikipedia, Psychologist Derald Wing Sue defines microaggressions as “brief, everyday exchanges that send denigrating messages to certain individuals because of their group membership.”
More and more the baton is being passed from vocal African-Americans to receptive white people to express these important insights and make the needed changes. Nonetheless, I believe that whites continue to need the clear voices of African-Americans who are willing to remain active in this regard. And, with much respect, I thank you.
Also current is the increasing uncovering of “White Fragility” during discussions of racism and racial bias. Dr. Robin D’Angelo published an article on The Good Men Project on White Fragility. She described it as a white person’s response to racial challenge in which the white person may “withdraw, defend, cry, argue, minimize, ignore, and in other ways push back to regain our racial position and equilibrium.” As a psychologist, I can tell you that the revealing of these defense mechanisms is a huge and necessary step in terms of processing Relational Bias and other types of racism.
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Regarding White Fragility, one of the great truths in psychotherapy is that when a defense arises, bringing it to awareness and processing it allows the client to move beyond it. Then, the underlying issue can be addressed On a cultural level, with the discussion of White Fragility, this is increasingly happening for white people regarding their racism and racial bias. I chose the term “bias” instead of “racism” in order to reduce defensive responding; no sense in increasing defensiveness that interrupts progress. This choice emerged from my own experience of recoiling and feeling offended by being called, or seeing other well-meaning white people called “racist,” which at least for me, evokes images of Nazis and the KKK. As the discussion of racism turns to ever more subtle aspects such as Relational Bias, I believe it is important for the labels to differentiate accordingly In sum, there is a continuum from no racial bias, to varying degrees of racial bias, to varying degrees of racism.
That said, while Relational Bias is more subtle, it contributes to more extreme forms of racism. The very recent murders of black men by police are cases in point. These murders can only be described as hate-filled racism At the same time, if we explored the more subtle aspects that support such murders in the individual offending cops, we would find racial Relational Bias. In addition, we would also likely find racial Relational Bias in their police cultures and other parts of their social networks. More and more, racial bias in police cultures is being called out and this trend will likely increase.
A recent example of Relational Bias in my own life occurred a couple of months ago when my wife and I were leaving one of Atlanta’s outdoor festivals. There was a female African-American guard checking everyone to make sure we didn’t leave with drinks My wife and I had water, which the guard requested we deposit in the trash can. For a moment, something arose in me that wanted to argue the point, so we could have our water, but I caught myself and simply complied. Then as we walked out, behind us, another white guy, slightly intoxicated, began playfully but obnoxiously, arguing with her about keeping his drinks. Sure, he was joking, but I could smell the white privilege. While he complied after making a few remarks, I felt some disgust about his behavior. I was disgusted not just because of the scene itself, but because this was my shadow of white privilege being “caste” before my eyes; a way I would have behaved in the past.
Given the depth and ingrained nature of Relational Bias, all voices are necessary to usher in this deeper level of change.
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To reveal the Relational Bias included in this situation just imagine how things might have been different if the female African-American guard had been a white State Police Officer? Even if the white drunk guy behaved similarly, how would his demeanor have been different? How might mine have been different?
Now, replace the drunk white guy with a drunk African-American man or woman, having this interaction with a white Officer. How would the behaviors have been different? How would the implicit power dynamics have been different just by virtue of the race and gender difference? What are the feelings you get as you imagine these interactions? Awareness of these differences in oneself is where we learn about and can stop our Relational Bias.
This suggests a model for progress wherein individuals in group settings, are provided with different scenarios, and the gender and racial status of the person with whom they are interacting is changed up. This could then be followed by a Relational Bias analysis and discussion focusing on the more subtle aspects of the interaction.
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What is being called for here is for each of us to look inward and be very aware of how we are relating to those who are different. What messages are we sending each person regarding their value and status? How do we view our status and value in relation to them? These questions are important whether you are in a privileged or underprivileged class. Yes, the healing of the underprivileged cannot be neglected here; not just to improve their sense of value and social status, but to remove the nonverbal cues of reduced social status that contribute to Relationally Biased interactions. I am in no way blaming the victim here, just pointing to the underprivileged side of Relational Bias that requires it’s own healing.
Above, I said that the hidden games of the past are now being exposed, and through our voices, we can make sure they come to an end. Given the depth and ingrained nature of Relational Bias, all voices are necessary to usher in this deeper level of change. Ultimately, what is necessary to change Relational Bias is activism on every front and every level, from the personal and therapeutic, to the relational, organizational, societal, political, economic, and spiritual. If you can, please share your voice regarding Relational Bias. This may just be the time for real social change.
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Photo credit: Getty Images
Could this be happening? I think it is …
“There is another class of coloured people who make a business of keeping the troubles, the wrongs, and the hardships of the Negro race before the public. Having learned that they are able to make a living out of their troubles, they have grown into the settled habit of advertising their wrongs — partly because they want sympathy and partly because it pays. Some of these people do not want the Negro to lose his grievances, because they do not want to lose their jobs.”
― Booker T. Washington
Tom, what are the other classes of coloured people discussed by Mr. Washington?
The classes that have moved forward in their lives, the ones that made something with their lives regardless of their hardships in their lives. Even MLK was clear when he spoke of “forgiveness” We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies.” ““Forgiveness is not an occasional act, it is a constant attitude.”Returning violence for… Read more »