What’s a relationship counselor?
Let’s face it, relationships are hard work, and we don’t always know how to overcome some of the challenges associated with them. That’s why seeing a relationship counselor can help. Relationship counselors help couples learn to talk to each other in a way where each person feels understood. When you’re in a romantic relationship, one the best ways to make your partnership last is to communicate effectively, and part of that communication includes putting yourself in the other person’s shoes.
Seeing another perspective besides yours
Being an empathetic partner means making an effort to learn how the other person sees an issue. You and your partner could be looking at the sky; she sees blue, and you see green. Who is correct? Both of you, because the reality is how one views the sky is subjective. However, even though she considers the sky to be blue, she can still put herself in your position and understand that you view it as an entirely different pigment of color. It’s crucial in relationships to honor your partner’s opinion because that shows that you care about the person.
You don’t have to agree to love
All human beings fundamentally want love and validation, and you don’t have to agree with somebody to love them. You might think your partner’s opinion is “out there,” but you can still hear it and try to understand how they might feel that way. How do you validate someone’s opinion when you don’t agree? Think about what it must be like for them based on their experience. Here is an example: imagine that you’re married, and your wife has an affair. When you find out you’re shattered, devastated and trying to understand your feelings. You question whether you should trust her again and wonder if she has been lying to you about other things. The emotions you’re feeling are valid, and your wife likely understands them. However, you’re in a marriage, and it’s not solely about your feelings. Your wife probably seems shame or guilt because of the affair. She’s remorseful that she hurt you, or maybe she’s angry. People cheat for a variety of reasons. It’s possible that she feels unappreciated or isn’t receiving affection from you, and having an affair is her way of showing you that. It doesn’t justify cheating on your partner, but it may be worth it to understand her perspective. It’s a challenging situation to try to understand, and you may struggle to have empathy for her. However, don’t assume how she feels without directly asking her. You cannot imagine or speculate on what’s in your partner’s head if you don’t ask: what are you feeling?
In a relationship, both people’s feelings matter
Your feelings are real because you feel them. Your partner’s feelings are valid because they are experiencing them. A relationship counselor helps you feel safe to express your feelings. They also provide a key role: a translator. People communicate differently, and when you recognize that your communication differs from your partner, it’s frustrating. You don’t know how to fix this situation, and that’s where a relationship counselor can help. They mediate between the two of you so that both partners understand one another.
Bob and Yolanda- different points of view
For example, let’s say Bob is feeling unappreciated because he cooks dinner every night and Yolanda doesn’t understand why. She says “it’s just dinner, I do your all the laundry and take care of the kids.” Yolanda feels unappreciated too. Bob wants Yolanda to show gratitude in some way, but she isn’t doing that. Yolanda wants Bob to acknowledge her hard work with the kids and housework too. The relationship counselor’s job is to help Bob and Yolanda see things from the other person’s perspective. They point out that Yolanda is doing a lot of work in the house and she wants to feel appreciated and ask Yolanda to share how that looks for her. How can Bob show his gratitude? She says “he could say thank you,” or “help get the kids out the door in the morning,’” to support her efforts. Bob Agrees to do these things, and the relationship counselor asks him, how can Yolanda make him feel valued? He says “She can tell me how much she enjoyed dinner one night.” Yolanda understands and thinks this is a reasonable request. The relationship counselor succeeded at translating what each partner needed, and now the couple can see things from the other person’s point of view!
What if you don’t understand your partner’s perspective?
There are times when you don’t understand how your partner’s perspective and it’s okay to ask for clarification. Even if you think you know what their point of view is, but there’s a nagging feeling, and you’re unsure, ask them what they feel. And remember, you don’t have to agree with them to be on the same page.
If you’re having difficulty communicating with your partner relationship counseling can be a great solution; whether you counselor in your local area or online therapy a relationship counselor is viable option to help you and your partner see one another’s point of view.
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