Is the time you devote to spending time with your spouse high on your list of priorities?
Do you feel disappointed in your relationship?
All too often, relationships are last on the list of priorities – or not even an item on your list. If you treated other things this way, think of what would happen – if you ignored the garbage, it would rot and stink. Cars can’t run without gasoline and relationships don’t go very well without attention.
Does your partner have your undivided attention at dinner or is your phone part of the ‘conversation’?
Is the TV on when you eat a meal together or when you’re going to bed – or just on most of the time?
Is your spouse supportive of your hobby or long work hours? If you’re not finding that to be true, it might be that you don’t really bring your full presence to the the time you do spend with him. If it’s distracted time – reading mail, email, online videos – you might as well not be there. This time doesn’t go on the list as ‘time spent with spouse’.
It isn’t an accident that you don’t prioritize time with your spouse, or just human nature, or just what happens when you’re married for many years. We all have some fear of intimacy, of truly allowing your spouse to ‘get under your skin’. Really allowing your spouse to be THAT important to you slams squarely up against some fear.
Balancing our need for autonomy and our need for closeness is a dance we do. There’s a conflict here that is usually outside our awareness – especially the fear.
Put your relationship on your ‘to do’ list, instead of that’s what you do after . . . .everything else.
Ask her how her day was . . after pocketing your phone. Invite him out to do something fun – and often. How about intimate time alone? Listen with your full presence . . . . and see what happens!
You might be uncomfortable – congratulate yourself. You’ve taken the first step towards a more satisfying relationship.
This post was previously published on Deborah Fox and is republished here with permission from the author.
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