Religious Marriage Is Not Secular Marriage

SECULAR VS SPIRITUAL

I begin each day praying for protection, guidance and fortitude. I pray to attain virtue, guidance for my spouse, blessings for my family and protection for my children. I ask for courage to face all that my family fears. I seek wisdom. I aim to discern between false and truthful claims. I wish to illustrate the truth versus discussing false narratives about me. I focus on the quality of my treatment of others. I hold myself accountable. I know nothing done in the dark can be hidden. All will come to light. I do the best I can to act properly in a shadow — for inevitably a light shall be cast on my history.

Women, are your secular men beginning their day motivated to attain these goals?

WHAT IS A SECULAR ROMANCE

We must be honest with ourselves. It benefits no one to offer their self excuses. It’s only you in your mind. When approaching secular thinking I am doing so within the context of romanticism. I am not broaching the topics of government or society. When most approach an interpersonal relationship, it is done with a human element. We have both emotions and logic. We can reason and feel. These are very human methods of being. I find it difficult to arrive at any other conclusion.

1. You can approach a relationship logically.

2. You can approach a relationship emotionally.

I argue there is no other way to approach a romantic relationship in a secular setting. Society frames men pursuing option number one. Society frames women pursuing option number two. The myriads of articles you consume largely fall into these categories.

Impulsive trolls argue on both sides of the fence. When one is stirred emotionally (through fear or otherwise) their comments show. I get them. I read them. They often fall into a chasm over one or two key words. These words are their triggers. Trolls are easily triggered because they are very emotional. If you say a word like “submit” or “toxic” they respond with novels. Submit pairs well with a feminist troll and toxic pairs well a male troll.

These types of responses are illustrations of individuals who approach relationships emotionally. A logical approach sometimes comes off as a lack of passion. We see this in feminine based articles where we read about the fire going out. A romantic fire can extinguish due to mundane routine, taking someone for granted or simply lack of attraction (less frequent sex or intimacy). Some women can feel completely provided for financially but feel devoid emotionally. I both read about and know men who discuss their ultimate pursuit in a relationship is to simply be “happy”.

This is a very new pursuit for men. Happiness is an emotion. I find it unusual for a man’s ultimate pursuit in a relationship to be how he feels. Emotions change like leaves on a tree in Autumn. All you need to do is look away for a bit. When your sight returns to look at the tree of your life it is a different sight to behold. The leaves of your previous feelings are gone. Often these feelings of regret, joy, sadness or excitement were blown away by the winds of life. Forever changing.

Personally, I find emotionally centered relationships incredibly taxing, unpredictable and unstable.

Logically centered relationships tend to be conditional. The commitment can even feel transactional in some cases. If you are this way…than I am this way. If you treat me like this…than I will treat you like that. It can feel dead without meaning.

This is not an argument for or against commitment (conditional or otherwise). This is about opening your mind to something else entirely.

Have you ever had a covenant instead of a commitment?

How A Covenant Illustrates:

Covenant Situation — “The passion in a marriage died. There is respect but no passion. There is care but no love. There is concern but no worry. There is duty but no service. There is good treatment but no affection.”

Covenant Reaction — “God you promised me a good man. I have one. Now God, I need you to make this man become an affectionate man. Offer me the words to express myself in a way where he understands. For only you can make anyone understand anything. Let me not trade something good for something bad simply because I want affection. I need a good man. I want an affectionate man. You never break your promises. I have faith you will deliver this to me. For everything is possible with you.”

What This Response Does:

· It increases your virtue. We must draw upon different types of virtue in circumstances. No circumstance is an exemption. Within the context of your situation the very virtue you draw on to build, increase or develop might be the catalyst required for a man to change. I did. My current wife is a testimony to that. I developed virtues I did not have previously to remain married. This occurred due to my foundation of goodness. I am literally a different man.

· It changes the “Need to Know” to “I have faith”. Faith is belief in the absence of evidence. This runs completely contrary to the narrative of society. We must know something before we believe it. It is impossible to know if your partner / spouse / wife / husband will remain passionate forever. I argue it’s impossible to know really anything romantically. We need faith in relationships, not conviction for them to last. Just because something will end that is not a reason to not do it. Our lives will end one day — that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t live them to the fullest.

· It reframes perspective. If there is one tool that I can attest will improve with faith is your ability to Reframe. Reframing is a timeless tool for seeing things from different vantage points. For instance, I reframed my divorce proceeding. I chose to see it as a testament that commitment, refusal to quit, and 100% effort always takes care of results. I chose this perspective despite the absence of any evidence. I am married today, our love is renewed, and I have no divorce proceeding as of my writing. Never underestimate faith.

Three Ways To Develop Faith (Use Them)

1. Ask Yourself About Personal Historical Victories. Most of the time we can remember a time where we swore something bad would happen but the opposite occurred. We can also remember positive surprises that appeared completely by chance. We all have personal testimonies where a bit more faith in the moment would have spared us unnecessary heartache. Everyone has the punch line, “It’s always 20/20 in hindsight.” Stop saying the 20/20 punch line and live it.

2. Become Curious Not Angry. Choose a desire to know the truth. Avoid the choice of becoming angry when you don’t know the truth. Anger is a sign of losing control. Curiosity is a sign of determination. Become determined, do not become out of control. We do not really know what will happen. Even if something appears to be one way it can always end up another.

3. Read About Exceptional Testimonies. Just because something is not probable it does not mean it is not possible. With the access of YouTube viewing or listening to an impossible story is just a few keystrokes away. Something unlikely happens to someone every day. That someone might just be you. Self-affirm your intentions matter and they bring good results.

The Value of This Philosophy

· This allows you to challenge possible misconception and reinforces positive assumptions over negative assumptions. (2)

· Learning the truth before acting makes you pause before reacting which reduces stress and makes you feel more relaxed. (3)

· When threatened, self-affirmations can restore self-competence by allowing individuals to reflect on sources of self-worth, such as core values. (4)

IN CLOSING

Sign up for free to listen free of charge to my chapter in “Many Paths To Profit”. You can pick up a copy of my international best-selling and award winning book, “I Made It Then I Didn’t” as well for a deeper insight on some of the psychology I use to take me through difficult circumstances.

The concept I teach in this article is free. Some of my personal stories are not free of charge as everything costs something. I use the techniques I discuss in this article. The purpose of reading this is to help women understand faith in a relationship might be what you’ve been missing.

If you are feeling disillusioned about lifelong commitment, it’s critical you read this. I am a personal testimony an unlikely thing can happen. Most things require faith but we insist on knowing it for certain. If knowing was a requirement we would have lost the battle of Midway in World War II. The US Navy had faith in its commanders and its intelligence. That faith turned the tide of the war. Putting some faith in your relationship might just turn the tide of your marriage’s destruction.

To Your Knowledge Success!

Sources

1) The life of Christopher Knight Lopez a Professional Hustler turned International Best Seller and Published Author of “I Made It Then I Didn’t”.

2) Work Learning Research. “The Learning Benefits of Questions”. Will Thalheimer PhD. 2003–2014. Somerville, MA USA.

3) MindOwl, “The Power Of Pause: Breaking Free From Reactive Thought Patterns”. Filipe Bastos. August 26, 2019. Web Article. Web Link: https://mindowl.org/the-power-of-pause/. Accessed April 2, 2025.

4) Cascio CN, O’Donnell MB, Tinney FJ, Lieberman MD, Taylor SE, Strecher VJ, Falk EB. Self-affirmation activates brain systems associated with self-related processing and reward and is reinforced by future orientation. Soc Cogn Affect Neurosci. 2016 Apr;11(4):621–9. doi: 10.1093/scan/nsv136. Epub 2015 Nov 5. PMID: 26541373; PMCID: PMC4814782.

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Not a form of investment advice. Please consult a professional registered to give you advice about your individual circumstance. This article is for educational purposes and entertainment purposes only. Please do not email the author about advice on investing or strategies on making investments.

About Christopher: Christopher Knight Lopez is a Professional Hustler turned International Best Seller, Award Winner of the December 2024 prestigious International Impact Book Awards — a premier award program dedicated to celebrating and recognizing the exceptional work of authors around the globe and Published Author of “I Made It Then I Didn’t”. He is also a Co-Author with Kevin “The Shark” Harrington “Many Paths To Profit”. See more at www.christopherklopez.com.