Mrs. Doubtfire is one of my favorite movies of all time because it was funny and had a Dad who adored his kids. The sad part of the story was how they treated Robin Williams character in court. The truth is, this is the court system we still have in America. It’s a system that makes the Dad a part time father with little capability of caring for the children. The Dad becomes a ATM who is threatened with jail, if he doesn’t pay 25% of his income to the mother, who doesn’t have to say how the money is being spent. He becomes basically a slave to the system for having kids with a woman who decided she wants the court to say how much he has to pay, because it’s normally more than what is needed.
This writing was inspired by a feminist who commented on my comment in a article why men become so angry during divorce. My point was that most men only go into defense, war mode because of the court system that will try to hold them by the neck. My comment on the story :
Coming from a divorced man who initiated it, the only time I felt at war was to defend my right to still be a dad and afford a living. It’s because the courts have leaned very heavy to women, that things happen to become a war for us. Courts aren’t used to end things fairly, but for a punishment if possible. If it was fair, I think many men would not be as you say. I appreciate your perspective.
The feminist commented :
Many men like to claim family law is “unfair” to them but virtually all studies show the opposite to be true. The default is now 50/50 custody; even if the woman is awarded full custody, child support payments don’t even cover half the costs of raising the child. Research shows 40% of you aren’t even making the meager child support payments you owe! How pathetic and lame is that? Sorry, you and the other man’s rights activists making this claim have ZERO credibility.
My response :
Wow! Maybe you should look at the profile before your respond. You seem bitter. You speak with you statistics and research but sounds like your experience with men have been bad, but I’ll speak to you as not other women would be so harsh . I had my kids 5 days a week and that was 50/50. The reward for child support because she earned 25k more was $50 a month. 50/50 for me back in the day with a girl living with her parents when I was making $10 an hour was $400 a month I had to pay. Some women choose the court as their kids dad, once the man can’t do nothing but work to pay them and bills. Any man who doesn’t support his kids is a bum, but you got the wrong one here. Stats mean nothing when a man isn’t allowed to buy his kids nothing because the courts and a bitter woman who get to spend it, sure ain’t making men happy to pay. When the courts can be fair and make sure the kids get the money spent on them, your stats will change. Face reality. If it’s moms baby, daddy’s maybe in court and then being a dad is a atm machine for bitter women, then give me the stats on those feelings. Pathetic and lame? It’s pathetic and lame to act like the court is fair to men and in that case, it’s not fair to the kids and it’s why you have many men who don’t want to deal with a bitter woman and the system they use, when half of them have a new man who don’t pay the bills.
My point is that many men who would like to spend money on the kids and already were, don’t want to pay the court 25% of their income even if they were spending more before that. They no longer know if it’s going to the kids. My simple solution is for men to be able to buy things that are necessary for the kid or kids. This should be accepted in court as child support also. You would see a huge increase in men wanting to do more for their kids and also men who would have enough money to be a part of their kids lives. When the court takes more than is necessary based on a formula, they break the man financially and when he has to work 2 jobs or do other things to cover bills, he doesn’t even have time to be a Dad anymore. The courts knows it. The bitter woman knows it. Not every situation merits alimony and child support, but it seems that way. The man has no right to live anymore. It’s been destroying the kids fathers for years and driving some men crazy. The court needs to change. It’s in the best interest of the kids. That’s the falsehood they tell everyone when they give you 50/50 but it’s not 50/50. It’s pay or else! Who cares how you live or pay bills or when you see the kids, cause if you don’t do as the order says, we will take away your life more than we already have. Nothing has changed since Mrs. Doubtfire.
—
This post was previously published on medium.com.
***
You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
—
Photo credit: Shutterstock.com