Having someone in your life that treats you as less than and robs you of joy is difficult. Exhausting. The constant negative comments which impact who and what you are to the world is deflating. It leads to despair. It’s suffocating.
What did I do to deserve this? How did I let this happen to me?
The real rub is when that person, that negative force, that monster is you. Your own blast furnace of misery. Phew, total bummer, right? I find that the foundation for all relationships starts with the relationship to yourself. Your very first relationship.
The success for all your external relationships is critical on how you relate to yourself, how you hold your value, and how you hold what could be possible. Many of us go through life defining who we are by what we do, our work, or some other defining external characteristic. Simply put, many don’t know who we really are, or at the very least we forgot somewhere along the way while we played for the promotions, the right relationship, the perfect body, the next (fill in the blank). Look through your heart to begin connecting. That was the access point for me.
Building the relationship to self for me was critical to have a chance at an authentic, vulnerable, loving relationship with another person, romantic or otherwise. Is there truth in the saying if you don’t love yourself how can you love another? I believe there is.
It starts internally with being a kind, gentle, loving, compassionate and understanding force. One where you can laugh at yourself, be kind when you fuck it all up, and encourage to try again. We are all perfect in our own way. We are each unique. Leaning into that, accepting that, is the beginning of learning to love yourself. We must also accept our full expression of emotion. Allowing the dark parts. They are an integral part of full human expression that actually provides a more joyful experiment of life.
The moment we feel we are not enough is the moment we have ignored our uniqueness and judged ourselves with another’s outside and perceived life circumstances. So be a loving force with yourself. Would you let anyone in your life treat you as badly as you treat yourself? Take a look inside and ask what you need, who you are outside of achievements and defining by the doing and let me know who you meet.
You might be surprised.
Give yourself a hug. You’re beautiful.
This post was previously published on conlincoaching.com.
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