Right Before Your First Session

[This User’s Guide to Coaching series explains everything you need to know to successfully engage and work with a coach—a life coach, a creativity coach, an executive coach, any sort of coach. It accompanies Dr. Maisel’s latest book, The Coach’s Way, described as “the finest resource available for anyone who wants to develop or enrich their coaching abilities.” Grab your copy now!]

Today is the day of your first session with your new coach. You have the time circled and you’ve made some space on either side of that time, beforehand, so as to get ready, and afterwards, so as to do a little debriefing with yourself. You’ve brushed your hair, put the dog in the other room, and reminded your husband that you’ll be on an important call. So, how are feeling?

Probably anxious.

Performers know that performance anxiety is typically at its worst in the minutes before a performance. The sounds of the audience arriving can put performers in a panic. They may suddenly feel that they’ve completely forgotten their lines, their music, or their choreography. Once the performance begins, their performance anxiety usually abates. But in those minutes before, they may find themselves terrified out of all proportion to the actual event. They are not stepping into the lion’s den, after all—but it can feel that way.

The same may prove true for you right before your first coaching session. You may notice your anxiety rising. You may begin looking for excuses to cancel. Indeed, reasons may present themselves, because anxiety can manifest as confusion, as a headache, as an upset stomach, thereby giving you a way out: “I don’t think I feel well enough to talk to anybody right now.” Try to recognize what’s going on for what it is: your nerves acting up. Human beings get nervous at the prospect of talking about themselves: the proof is that public speaking in the world’s number one phobia. Smile, shake your head, and remind yourself, “It’s just my nerves.”

You may also be feeling a little embarrassed about what you shared with your coach during the information-gathering period before this session. Maybe you feel a little defensive about further sharing and a little reluctant to air your “dirty linen” with another person. This is all natural and to be expected. As much as you may be looking forward to the coaching, you also be feeling vulnerable and exposed. These aren’t pleasant sensations, but if you know to expect them, you can weather them better.

Get ready. If you’re doing a remote session and you’re unused to the technology, plan to come on early. You may have to deal with some fumbles, some microphone or camera questions, some decisions to make (“Do I want an alpine background or an ocean background?”), and the other pleasantries of modern communicating. You may want to jot down some notes about subjects you intend to cover and any questions you mean to ask, say about your coach’s availability between sessions or about anything wasn’t clear on your coach’s website.

Remember that the body doesn’t do a brilliant job distinguishing between excitement and anxiety. What you may be feeling may not be anxiety but excitement. Imagine that it is excitement! As you wait for your first session to begin, try to relax and stand ready to be pleasantly surprised. Not so many things we do in a day promise to be truly helpful. Your upcoming coaching session may stand apart as the most useful forty-five minutes or hour you’ll spend today.

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“The Coach’s Way is possibly the finest resource available for anyone who wants to develop or enrich their coaching abilities. This new book is designed to give coaches the confidence and structure in their practice that will generate real results for their clients. Any- one who makes a living in the coaching arena will benefit from Dr. Maisel’s tremendous experience and training as a therapist, coach, and human. I’m so glad to have this book as a guide for my own coaching work and will recommend it to many others in the helping professions.”— Jacob Nordby, author of The Creative Cure: How Finding and Freeing Your Inner Artist Can Heal Your Life

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