Love can be intoxicating. It can make you feel like the sun is out on a rainy day or like the birds chirping during a thunderstorm. In fact, falling in love cannot only be magical, it can be easy.
Most people don’t struggle to fall in love but rather staying love. Overcoming jealousy, insecurity, mistakes, differences, resentments, and grudges makes love so difficult. And like oxygen, it could be a slow poison that could kill the relationship if not addressed.
Understanding the difference between love chemistry and compatibility
You can have compatibility without love. But you can’t have love without compatibility.
When we are in that new relationship, we are so love drunk that we are not sure whether we are compatible with the person we are dating or not. We may actually mistake that chemistry for compatibility.
As chemistry changes, we tend to think we are falling out of love with the person. The initial chemistry in new relationships can be incredible and amazing. And our bodies literally respond to that chemistry. We have more dopamine flowing into our body, more adrenaline, and intense sensation.
The new relationship energy is a chemical process that allows us to feel what feels like love, but in reality, it’s lust. You may feel your heart beat faster, your palms get sweaty, your pupil dilates, and you feel butterflies in your stomach when you are talking about that person or looking at them.
According to experts, the initial stage of chemistry, mainly known as the lust stage, usually lasts for 18 to 24 months. At this stage, our body is tricking us into procreating. That is why early in our relationship, we have sex too often and all we want to do is be with that person in any and every way possible.
But after we’ve a baby, we can’t be with that person as often as we do because we have to focus and care for the offspring we created together. Our brain then moves into another chemical stage for around 18 to 24 months. Instead of having that new relationship energy, we now have the bonding hormones present.
In this second stage, oxytocin and all the good feeling hormones that make us feel like great friends or close family with that person take over. You experience the type of love you would have for your best friend or sibling. This is when most people start to drift apart because they feel they’ve lost interest in their partner. You hear things like “this relationship has lost its fire” or “the spark is no longer there between us.”
At this point, some people will mistakenly go off to start a new relationship in search of that initial chemistry. While some will accept the changes as a normal thing in a relationship without trying to revive the spark they once had.
However, compatibility is different. It’s an expression of how two people line up in all areas of their lives in such a way that if the two never change, they will be happy and have their needs met in the relationship for the rest of their lives.
When you are compatible with someone, you enjoy each other’s company, like similar hobbies, and most importantly, have similar views on what you want in the future.
Basically, being in a compatible relationship means working well together and enjoying each other’s company. On the other hand, love is a deeper emotion you feel for another person. It forces you to be close to them, help them, support them, nurture them, and do whatever you can to protect them.
Parting words
Love and compatibility are important for the success of a long-term relationship. But you shouldn’t be with someone just because it makes you feel good.
Knowing the difference between a compatible relationship and a loving relationship can help you avoid staying in a relationship that isn’t based on real feelings.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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