There’s an old cliche’ if you don’t take care of yourself, no one else will. It’s a sad reality when we analyze the statement. Does that mean no one cares about us? Does that mean that we will wither away if we don’t feed our own garden because no one is willing to give us fertilizer to keep growing? Imagine being left in the wilderness and there were people all around you but no one gave you a jacket, food or water. What would you think? How would you feel?
This is the same scenario we set up for ourselves regularly. People are all around but they are so self-absorbed dealing with their own lives, they forget that we are standing there too. More than like we are the ones would give them a jacket, food or shelter and wonder why they aren’t the same. In the western world, we live in a very individualistic culture. It is not a collectivist culture even though we like to think it is. People are taught whether intentionally or inadvertently to look out for themselves first. The idea behind the village has changed so significantly that many can’t even identify what a real village would even look like in today’s world.
Once there was a lady who taught me a great lesson about this very thing. Knowing I had a religious base she used scriptural references to drive her point home. She noted the part of a scripture that said: “my cup runneth over.” She told me that what was in the cup was for me and it was the spillover that was for others. If I let my cup get empty I”d have nothing else for anyone and I’d experience the consequences of a dry cup. From that day forward, I realized the importance of saving something for myself. It wasn’t selfish. Nor was my giving my all selfless but instead it was unnecessary instead. To give so much of yourself fall the time that you have nothing left is a fruitless labor because there will always be takers and they will do so until you have no more fruit to bear then wondering why you are barren. This was also a lesson reinforced in the book The Giving Tree.
There are certain things in this life you must do for yourself and advocating for your wholeness is one of them. To do so, some of the following ideas may resonate with you.
- Learn how to say no. Always saying yes to others often means saying no to yourself when you need to hear your own yes.
- Don’t over promise to the point that you become exhausted. People will keep taking from you because they can. There are giver and takers. Takers never have enough and givers never give enough but somewhere someone will become empty so make sure it’s not you.
- Give yourself permission to be human and flawed.
- Forgive yourself often.
- Don’t feel bad for putting yourself first when you’be been so giving in the past.
You only have one you! You must advocate for yourself even in the midst of being compassionate towards others.
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