There I said it, and I’m sure you’re quivering already. The thought of two wheelchairs clanging together, the sound of a slurred inaudible lust, or even the vision of an awkward physical embrace; this is indeed a topic that gets very little attention.
Only is this how it really is, or should be?
Like in our sexually liberated society, why is this the conversation often swept under the carpet? Is it these above images that put people off? The thought of inadequate sexuality? I mean sure disability rights have come a long way, yet to be seen as entirely equal citizens, well maybe not just yet!?
And that’s my point here: as human beings, our greatest desire is to be loved and to express love. And sure that doesn’t necessarily mean intimacy, but isn’t that at least part of the equation? And aren’t people with a disability also entitled to this apparent right?
Anyhow, I am someone living with a disability. I won’t go on about the details of my situation here but what I will say is that it’s been a very long time in-between drinks. You see it’s my belief that women would not or could not look at me in that way. I might even be that poor disabled mess that nobody could love.
This is the social expectation crushing my soul.
Hence, I think that there’s zero sex appeal going on here. My disability is a little more extreme than most.
However, being human, I do still have all my senses intact. So what about my primal needs? Or as I mentioned before, what about my need to receive or express love? Both areas where I feel utterly bankrupt.
Nope, I cannot make someone love me.
Then I also believe that ‘they’ always deserve someone better. Someone capable and not fighting for their life. Someone centered, consistent and on track – none of which I can provide. Plus, I can’t give someone what I want. I can’t hold them, help out or even cook some fancy flashy dinner.
Because of disability, it feels like my loveable parts have been removed.
Now how would you feel if you couldn’t give someone what you wanted? How would you feel being restricted by your body? Well, I feel like I’m excluded from many normal entitlements of life, love included.
Nevertheless, this topic runs much deeper than my opening statements, opinions, negativity, or my subsequent ranting. This is indeed a topic that raises many questions, and questions to which I do not have the answers.
The biggest being what is love?
Like in today’s world people often mistake ‘sex’ for ‘love’. For me, anyhow, true love is seeing someone as they truly are. Their hang-ups, their shortfalls, and accepting them wholly and unconditionally. Then to share interests, to confide, but most importantly to help each other grow.
So yeah, I think about relationships and love a lot. I often study couples, watch their body language, even observe how they talk to each other and try to work out what the magic is.
And I reckon I’ve worked some stuff out:
This whole ‘you complete me’ thing is total bullshit. From what I can tell, it’s more about being a blessing in the other person’s life. To give, to support, to nurture, to compliment; coming from a place of need is absolutely ridiculous. And for someone living with a disability, I believe that people living in situations similar to my own can provide all this, only it can be hard for someone else to see that.
Or it would take a very special person.
***
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In his early 20’s, life completely changed for Mark. The unthinkable happened, he became a quadriplegic. His tracheostomy tube denied his speech. His words became his voice. His ‘words were marked’.
And life went on.
A day-dreamer, a larrikin, an undeniable fighter, Mark quickly supported both adversity and chronic illness. He also developed a real passion for green living, nutrition, naturopathy and organic foods. Actually he’s obsessed with celery.
He has a lot of quirks.
Then, despite his prior background in advertising, he became a certified life coach. Possibly to explore himself. He wanted to understand his journey. Then, to tell his story, he now has more recent aspirations that include becoming a published author.
Growing and then building upon it is his thing.
Still he likes to stay grounded, so when well enough, he’s ticking off his bucket list. And (something he says he should do way more often), he also volunteers with the Starlight Children’s Foundation.
Yep this day-dreamer gets around a bit. He’s kissed Miranda Kerr, appeared on Neighbours, cooked intimately with MasterChef George Calombaris, even been pushed in a full marathon, in his wheelchair.
Now if that’s not enough for this ‘inspiration’, he’s currently at Uni studying Creative Writing and Marketing. Where Consumer behaviour is his passion.
Plus, he’s an ACIM student, an adventurer, and a sneaker collector. It’s almost weird how he has time to deal with all the bullshit at the nursing home he lives in. Nevertheless, his dream is to one day get better and ride a bicycle around Australia,
So… as you can see, Mark never lets his disability stop him from doing things, or achieving things. Like just recently he became a University Lecturer, inclusive of a translator, apparently in his first class it was the quietest the students have even been.
In this busy world, Mark is one of the rare people who can make others stop, think, and reassess their situation. Usually with gratitude and compassion.
