Shopping for the Ring – Do You Take Your Fiancee or Not?

You have what it takes to find the perfect ring. In the end, your relationship is more important than a piece of metal.

—

Many men feel incapable of choosing a ring and I get it. However, there is another way to look at it. The ring is a symbol of your marriage. It is presented with a commitment of love and a request for unity. In the end, your relationship is the focus, not the piece of metal. Which is why, in my opinion, you want to shop for that ring on your own.

Ring shopping as a couple is not a mistake. Every situation is different and you must evaluate yours. But why are you planning on ring shopping together? Are you are afraid of the process, or that you will make a mistake? Put away your doubt. You are the love of her life with, or without, jewelry.

Be proactive. Believe you have what it takes to purchase the right ring. All you need to do is spend time getting to know your fiancée.

You must try to understand her family, her values, and her view of community. This will save you tons of trouble if your fiancée always wanted to wear her great-grandmother’s ring.

Have you ever seen the cover of a Cosmopolitan Magazine? They usually read something like “Five Ways to Get Him to Talk to You.” She wants you to ask questions about her. I’m talking about deep, soul searching questions. This is because she wants you to understand her emotionally. So when you talk to her, don’t ask questions about rings. Ask around it. Get to know her personality, her style, and her goals.

What does she consider too showy?

What does she consider boring?

Does she dress conservatively or is she fashion forward?

What are her career goals?

Does she listen to coffee house classics or is she into acid death metal?

Each question will give you information and understanding.

Then, interrogate her people. Start talking to siblings, parents, grandmothers, best friends, and anyone you think could provide insight. You will need to have these people sworn to secrecy, but that goes without saying.

Let’s say you have decided to do this on your own. I commend you and support your efforts. You may have taken notes, voice recordings of conversations, or simple mental snap-shots. Now you you’re ready to journey into the wild. There are many ways to go about this.

Set a Budget

A budget will help you more than anything else. It protects you from becoming attached to diamonds and bands you cannot afford. I know your fiancée is priceless to you, but wedding rings are not. Let it be priceless to her. You don’t want to resent the purchase because you resent the payments or the dip into your retirement fund. Resentment is for student loans, not wedding rings.

Online Browsing

Surfing the net for the perfect ring has its advantages as a starting point. For instance, you are able to use custom searches. If a diamond is what you want, you can search by size, color, cut, and clarity. There are other stones, but know this, I have never met a woman who did not want a diamond. Online research gives you the conceptual understanding you need to be successful.

Another excellent tool is Pinterest. Trust me guys, her Pinterest account is the Holy Grail of wedding ring research.

Retail

Visiting retail locations is an absolute must for two reasons. First, the size of the diamond you thought you liked online, will be smaller up close. It pays to take some time actually handling the rings and diamonds. Most retail locations have women working their jewelry counters. This helps because the ring will look different on a mannequin than it will on a woman’s finger. Don’t worry, they will offer to show you what it looks like on their finger.

Second, the prices you saw online will come alive in a retail store. Maybe you want a ring that is not available. You think she wants a cushion or pillow cut diamond. You also think she wants it tension set within the band itself. Guess what, The Galleria of Jewelry might have to custom make that for you. If so, you’ll need to weigh out the price. Brick and mortar jewelers can tell you exactly what is possible to achieve.

I will say one last thing about physical ring shopping. Take a wingman. It will help you stay focused and not be steamrolled by a salesperson.

The Purchase

Once you have done the research it will be time to pull the trigger. No one will judge you if you take a picture of the ring and run it by your mom or some other female whose opinion you trust. If you feel good about it you should just do it. Remember, she is excited about the marriage to you more than the ring itself. Do the absolute best you are able, then put all that energy back into loving her the best you are able.

Once you buy the ring, never tell a soul how much you paid. This will forever be your little secret. People will prod at first. You will endure sly comments and perhaps even full inquisitions. At the end of the day, it is no one’s business how much you paid. Someone will criticize your decision no matter what. “You spent too much,” is just as bad as, “You could have done a little more.” Don’t tell your fiancée even when she becomes your wife. After you put forth the effort to express your love she will not think twice about it.

The ring is a symbol of your love for her. You will take time in getting to know and deepening your understanding of her. The search will bring you closer together. Know you cannot fail if you love her and she loves you. In the end, your relationship is the focus, not the piece of metal.

Would you like to help us shatter stereotypes about men?  
Receive stories from The Good Men Project, delivered to your inbox daily or weekly.

—

Photo: Getty Images