In today’s chaotic marriage environment, men and women often find themselves torn between traditional gender roles that they may have witnessed growing up and society’s push towards egalitarianism.
In such a confusing time, who’s the boss in the relationship?
Are men still the leaders of the home? Or are you two equal partners? 50/50? Maybe there is no leader? And if that’s the case, perhaps you shouldn’t listen to your wife because her perspective is no better than yours?
To cut to the chase, as every married man knows, it’s not whether you should or shouldn’t. It’s YOU BETTER!
To understand why, we have to go back to the very first wife — Eve.
In the beginning, Gd created man. And Gd saw that it was not good for man to be alone.
So, what did God do? He could have created another man! But he didn’t. If so, there would have been two people eating Doritos and watching TV. Instead, God created women to help men by motivating and supporting them to live up to their potential.
This has been the role of women ever since. Not only do they shine on their own, but they also help us men become greater than we can on our own.
On a deeper level, Kabbalah explains that while men represent Divine intellect, women represent divine intuition. This means your wife has insight and knowledge into how the world works qualitatively, which you, as a man, don’t.
This isn’t because she is better or smarter than you, but rather because she is different from you. She sees and experiences the world differently. Why wouldn’t you want access to that insight?
Years ago, our family was living in New York. I had a great job, and we lived in a nice neighborhood. But my wife sensed that something was wrong. That the spiritual and religious influence was harming our children and even me. I didn’t see it. She encouraged us to move across the country to Chicago, with better schools, homes, and spiritual community. We’ve been happy here for the last 25 years, and I’m so thankful I listened to her. These types of insights have repeated themselves over and over again in our marriage.
But just saying that you should listen to your wife isn’t enough. As a man, you are responsible for leading and guiding your family. You cannot just abdicate decision-making to your wife. Nor would she want that either. So what happens when you disagree on something? What happens when, as the leader of the home, you believe you should go right, and she says left? When you disagree?
One way to understand this is through a concept called spheres of influence. Men have a masculine sphere of influence, and women tend to have a more feminine sphere of influence.
Again, based on our spiritual differences, men tend to focus on the external aspects of life — issues related to providing for the family, our spiritual path, issues of safety, and our general approach to life.
Women tend to focus on internal aspects of shared life. The home, the family, the children, how kids are doing in school, personal growth, inter-family relationships, and emotional well-being.
Men see the world from the big-picture perspective, whereas women focus on the details and the specifics.
When we respect each other’s expertise and honor and defer to each other’s areas of responsibility, we get the best of both worlds — the strength and wisdom of the divine masculine and the insights and connection of the divine feminine.
So, should you listen to your wife? If you are smart and a bit lucky, you will marry a woman whose thoughts and feelings you will always want to hear. And this is another way that you, too, can build a great marriage!
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Dovid Feldman is a Husband, Father, and Licensed Marriage Therapist. Let me show you how to Build a Great Marriage in 12 short weeks! http://www.dovidfeldman.com/
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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