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Shoulders
Eric Boyette, Tampa, FL
From Dads Behaving DADLY 2: 72 More Truths, Tears, and Triumphs of Modern Fatherhood Copyright © 2015 Motivational Press. Reprinted with permission. By Hogan Hilling and Al Watts.
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I stand here in front of him as he sits in the swing, enjoying the soft breeze of the mid-September afternoon. He is blissfully unaware I am blocking the blinding rays from his eyes with my shadow. My shoulders are wide enough to eclipse the sun and allow him to enjoy the last drops of a cool fall day, unperturbed by the glaring orange disc behind me.
At a year and a half, his biggest problem at the moment is retrieving the last dried strawberry from the bag he clutches in his tiny hands. I know how high I can push without frightening him and I keep him moving with the slow, steady consistency of a pendulum easily metered by the repetitious whine of metal on metal, interrupted only by the drone of traffic.
He has no fear of the unknown, and therefore, no appreciation for the safety I provide. His blue eyes gleam like sapphires as he laughs and squeals. I shoulder the weight of his safety as he learns to keep himself from harm. When we leave the park, he will ride the same shoulders, and we will stroll home, enjoying the city’s sounds, sights and smells in the twilight of the day and the season.
Any mortal in their right mind would be terrified to be hoisted three times their own height atop a giant, but he knows nothing of fear. I have trouble teaching him actions have consequences, not wanting to diminish his intrepid spirit.
How do I teach him without scaring him? I want him to believe the slide continues curving away beyond his sight. I want him to have faith the thrill is worth any moments of uncertainty. I don’t want my warnings of caution to water the seeds of doubt.
He is already assembling a respectable collection of bruises on his shins and bumps on his head, but I know the deepest cuts are years in the distance. I see them coming. As inevitable as the end of this afternoon. No need to mention them, we will have plenty of time for that. I have faith in the time. Time won’t let me down.
Will it?
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My hope as a father is to remedy all that ails my children. To protect them at all times from all dangers, both real and perceived, while teaching them to do the same for themselves along the way. There will be time for those, the shadows will grow much longer before mine fades to black. The truth is, I think I’m doing OK at this dad thing. I had some good teachers; I stand on the shoulders of giants.
My Dad is a great father, as was his. I rode on his shoulders when I was my son’s age. I enjoyed their shade when I was swinging, and I cried into them when life seemed unfair.
My father taught me how to stand on his shoulders literally, then, with his love and support, I learned the far more difficult task of standing on those shoulders figuratively.
It is not the piggyback rides along Myrtle Beach that come to mind when I think of those shoulders, but the times they carried me through the rough patches of my life. I was blissfully unaware of the diligent protection when I was younger. I had little experience with fear. Security was a gift I didn’t know I had been given.
My father was there when a “big kid” pushed me off a big wheel. He was there when I struggled with self-esteem in junior high, and he taught me not to define myself with the expectations and judgments of others. When a bully attacked me on the bus for defending my sister, he was there to stand up for me when I was nearly suspended.
My father taught me about fairness and courage. His ideas of justice were a constant theme in my childhood, running like a deep vein of iron through a mountain range. My dad was there when I didn’t make the grade and when I did. He was there as loved ones left this world, there when I struggled in college and there when I searched for a career.
He did not tell me where to go or what to do, and no matter where I turned, his shadow always danced ahead even when he was not physically present. My father was there to remind me that my path was my own, that no one would or should prepare it for me. He was there when I fell in and out of love, there when I made bad decisions, there when I succeeded at work, there when I lost a good job, and there when I married my wife. He has been there following the birth of each of my children, always wanting to show support, and giving me the space to live and experience life in my own way.
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There are times these days when my father’s shadow is not as clear to me, and we do not talk as often as we should (a shared fault), but when I look a little closer, I can usually see his silhouette against the hard sun of life. His shadow hides the danger, and in doing so, obscuring its own presence.
I know when the day comes and the sun sets on my father, the absence of that cool shade will become shockingly clear… blindingly so. I’ll squint at the unforgiving sun. I’ll hide my eyes in my hands, and I’ll weep. Afterward, I suspect, I will spend years realizing the full myriad of ways he protected, supported and encouraged me. I stand on the shoulders of my Dad, just as he did on his.
As I continue down the path of fatherhood, I enjoy the satisfaction of knowing my shadow will grow longer and provide respite from the cruel elements for those I love the most. I do not say that out of pride for myself, but out of pride in all of us. It gives me a peaceful, reassuring feeling to know my helpless, little boy will one day cast an epic shadow indeed. He will stand against the sun, the wind and the rain. A solid rock to anchor those who love him and to stand against any harm.
The amazing thing is how much growth my children have precipitated within me as well. That thought makes me happy as I try to conceptualize how my father grew with me. In our family, we are sustaining each other and laying the foundation for the future with every laugh and every tear. Now, as our shadows lengthen, we walk home with the sun at our backs and my son on my shoulders. I have to wonder whose shadow stretches ahead of us leading us home.
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Eric Boyette is a father of two, currently living in the Tampa Bay area. He pursued his dream of being a writer during his time as an at-home father. He has written for the Huffington Post, Good Men Project, National At-Home Dad Network and has his own blog, DadOnTheRun.com. While still writing, Eric is now the Director of Special Investigations with an international investigative firm, meaning his kids have no chance during a game of hide-and-seek, but he claims to still be unable to find the remote.
Hogan Hilling is a nationally recognized and OPRAH approved author of 12 published books. Hilling has appeared on Oprah. He is the creator of the DADLY book series and the “#WeLoveDads” and “#WeLoveMoms” Campaigns, which he will launch in early 2018. He is also the owner of Dad Marketing, a first of its kind consultation firm on how to market to dads. He is also the founder of United We Parent. Hilling is also the author of the DADLY book series and first of its kind books. The first book is about marketing to dads “DADLY Dollar$” and two coffee table books that feature dads and moms. “DADLY Dads: Parents of the 21st Century” and “Amazing Moms: Parents of the 21st Century.” Hilling is the father of three children and lives in southern California.
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Originally published in Dads Behaving DADLY 2: 72 More Truths, Tears, and Triumphs of Modern Fatherhood Copyright © 2015 Motivational Press. Reprinted with permission.
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