Self-sabotage means doing something, either intentionally or unintentionally, that results in unfavorable outcomes for you. Our thought patterns, which develop as a result of our childhood and different life experiences, might lack the perspective that one must have to build a good life for themselves.
One example of such behavior is this: people shutting down when someone tries to come closer or in other words, when there is an increase in the level of intimacy.
Over Analyzing
- finding fault with everything they do,
- you criticize their likes and choices,
- you do not let go of the things they did wrong in the past,
When you begin to expect perfection in a relationship, even when you know that it is an unrealistic standard, it is a sign that you might sabotage the relationship. No relationship is perfect and there are bound to be differences and conflicts. If you read too much into the other person’s actions and analyze every single thing they do, you might burn a perfectly fine bridge.
Avoiding Conflict
If you are not discussing the unpleasant stuff, your relationship is not getting built on a solid foundation. Differences are inevitable in any relationship and discussing those differences helps you increase your understanding of the other person. And do you know what’s more romantic than saying I love you? Telling the other person (and meaning it) that you understand them.
When you fear conflict and avoid unpleasant conversations and build strong boundaries, resentment creeps in and it kills the relationship over the long term.
You Do Not Put Effort
Relationships require maintenance.
If you do not put effort into your relationship, they will die. Just like plants need water, relationship needs attention. So, if you purposely find things to avoid tending to the relationship, it is a sign that you may be sabotaging it.
I always believe in having healthy communication. If a relationship is taking away too much from you, then you must address that with confrontation than avoidance. Many a time the other person is totally unaware of your feeling and bringing the issue to them might help you work out a solution with them.
So, instead of sabotaging your relationship with avoidance, either build it up with effort and healthy communication or leave it altogether.
You Feel Unworthy
I believe that low self-esteem ruins lives more than cancer does.
When you have low-self esteem, you have a hard time believing that the other person is in a relationship with you.
- you find it hard to receive compliments,
- you feel insecure,
- you focus on your negatives rather than your positives.
All of this can get really draining for the other person in the relationship and over time, they might feel exhausted and leave.
Here is an article that will help with low self-esteem:
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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