There is constant fighting
If there is constant arguing and fighting in the relationship without any hope of the two of you sitting together to address the cause of the argument, it is a sign that it is a dead relationship. Differences are inevitable in any relationship, and conflicts help us understand the other person better if we are mature enough to listen. But constant fighting without addressing the issues at hand is a clear sign that your relationship is over.
You rarely talk
Get this: Love is a never-ending conversation. (Credits to the love genius, John Gottman!)
If the two of you never communicate beyond the usual stuff, you cannot build a companionship where you help each other grow. Sooner or later, the relationship will lose its meaning and purpose. You might consider it valuable because it has become a comfortable arrangement, but it would not be a relationship. You better call it arrangement because you have been treating it like one.
Lack of communication over long periods signals that your relationship is over.
You are no longer compatible with each other
People grow and change. There is no guarantee that someone who shares your values today will feel so forever. I have grown tremendously and experienced a radical change in my values and belief systems. The direct outcome is that I had to let go of certain relationships that were once very close. We no longer had similar values, making it difficult to bond beyond a limit.
If the two of you have grown to develop different values, it is a sign that the relationship you had is over. I will share a personal story: I discovered after graduation that startups excite me and academics do not make me feel alive. So I dropped out of law school and pursued entrepreneurship. The guy I was with at the time had difficulty adjusting to this because he had a lower-risk appetite, which I shared with them earlier in my life. But I was a different person now and wanted to pursue things that made me feel alive, even if doing that involved high risk.
Result? We eventually had to part ways because we could not understand each other anymore.
You are afraid to be yourself
It is a dead relationship if you have to constantly think about how you behave in the relationship. Our closest relationships are supposed to be our safe space where we can just be ourselves and be vulnerable without fear of being judged. But if you feel disrespected and unvalued for who you are, you must take that as a sign that the relationship is over.
You are questioning the relationship
The very fact that you have made it so far in this article tells me that you are questioning if your relationship is over. Happy and healthy relationships where we feel respected, valued, and supported do not demand an evaluation of whether they are over or not. When your mind begins questioning the relationship, it is a sign that it is over unless and until you evaluate why you feel so and discuss it with the other person to solve the issue. The relationship is over if this communication and adjacent problem-solving do not happen.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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