In 2011, my parents celebrated their 49th wedding anniversary. For the occasion, we gave them a present they didn’t want–we told them they were getting no more grandchildren.
The decision to not have more children wasn’t easy, but it was the right one for us. My wife and I met in our mid-30s. When we had our son, we were approaching 40.
We love our son more than we could have ever thought possible. All the clichés are true. It is both more work and more rewarding than we had imagined. And his childhood does go by incredibly fast.
But we were also blessed with an intelligent, sensitive, and very active boy. He needs attention and we can’t imagine splitting it with another.
There are also risks with a pregnancy as one gets older. While we were not yet to the age when it would impossible to get pregnant, the risks do increase when either mother or father reach age 35 and increase even more after age 40.
So, between our limited energy and the increased risks, we gradually came to the conclusion that we were done with having kids.
Making this choice is not only difficult, but it should also be made with great caution. Any sterilization procedure must be one that is undertaken with the understanding that it is permanent. Both tubal ligations and vasectomies can be reversed, but the cost of doing so is high (and often not covered by insurance) and the results are not guaranteed.
In deciding between the two procedures, about 10 minutes of research is all it takes. For most couples, all other things being equal, a vasectomy for the man is substantially preferable to a woman undergoing a tubal ligation.
A tubal ligation is an in-patient procedure that is usually performed under general anesthesia and requires a recovery period of a week or more. In contrast, a vasectomy is often performed in your local doctor’s office. It takes about 30 minutes and one can recover over the weekend.
While tubal ligations are generally very safe, vasectomies are even more so, with complication rates of around one percent. (In the interest of slightly less than full disclosure, I did fall into that one percent–a story for another day. But, no regrets).
Not only are vasectomies safer and easier for the patient, but they are also cheaper and more effective. While even a sterilization procedure can fail, vasectomies fail less often than tubal ligations.
Nonetheless, there are more than twice the number of tubal ligations each year as vasectomies. While there are occasionally other reasons for undergoing the procedure, one of the main causes is that many people still consider birth control to be the woman’s responsibility.
Not only is this view archaic, it puts your wife’s health at increased risk, not to mention your budget.
It was an easy choice for us once we understood the facts. The doctor met with both my wife and I to make sure we understand all of the important information.
A vasectomy is a rather simple procedure. Essentially, the doctor just cuts the tubes that carry sperm (called vas deferens) and seals them off to prevent them from reaching the seminal fluid.
My wife, being the curious creature that she is, watched the procedure from about five feet away. (She says my vas deferens look like mother of pearl. I’ll have to take her word for it.)
The doctor will give you a lab order for a semen analysis to be done several weeks after your procedure. Don’t skip this step! While vasectomies are very effective, I know of a couple of pregnancies that have resulted afterward and at least one friend still had a few swimmers in his analysis. While it might be difficult or embarrassing, the peace of mind is worth it.
My parents 50th anniversary came just the next year. We decided our present would have to be a good one. Because not only did we use their 49th as the date to have the procedure denying them more grandchildren, we asked them to babysit during the procedure.
A version of this piece appeared in the Porterville Recorder on January 25th, 2012
◊♦◊
◊♦◊
What’s your take on what you just read? Comment below or write a response and submit to us your own point of view at the red box, below, which links to our submissions portal.
◊♦◊
Are you a first-time contributor to The Good Men Project? Submit here:
◊♦◊
If you believe in the work we are doing here at The Good Men Project, please join us as a Premium Member, today.
All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.
A $50 annual membership gives you an all-access pass. You can be a part of every call, group, class, and community.
A $25 annual membership gives you access to one class, one Social Interest group, and our online communities.
A $12 annual membership gives you access to our Friday calls with the publisher, our online community.
Register New Account
Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
Photo Credit: Pixabay