Something New, Men Can Try on a First Date!

I love adding something new to my dating arsenal and growing through exposure to something that scares me.

Time is important. It’s the most valuable resource when it comes to life; you can’t repurchase it and go back in time (Unless your name is Marty McFly) once time is spent. It’s gone, never to be seen again.

But there’s another element of dating that I feel is severely underrated.

The skill that can make all the difference when it comes to dating:

FOCUS.

You have to commit yourself to focusing on the goal of finding a good woman who can go through life with you. You might think you have all the time in the world. But you don’t.

Your time is running out to find love…
Yes, I said that right, no clickbait, no bullshit. I believe this. You don’t have as much time as you think you do to…
trey-h-e.medium.com

There’s no such thing as “Natural Dating”.

Focus on dating? Committed to a goal of finding someone?

“Ugh, but dating should come natural”.

Did that thought just enter that lovely noggin of yours?

I’ll let you in on a little secret.

There’s no such thing as natural or organic dating.

Everything requires thought and action.

Dating involves two people with different personalities, preferences, and backgrounds trying to connect and form a relationship. To do so successfully, it requires great effort and intentionality from both parties.

Believing in natural dating is like expecting to catch a fish by just standing next to the river whilst scrolling through Instagram — you need to put in the effort, cast the line, and wait patiently.

Put in some work just like everyone else. Ya lazy bastard 😉

Even if two people are naturally compatible, they still need to communicate, show interest, plan dates, and build a connection. Moreover, factors such as societal norms, personal insecurities, and past experiences can affect the way people approach dating. So there isn’t much that’s natural about it apart from the biological necessity of being with someone.

Despite what the bitter and jaded modern harpies and drainers of positivity might tell you. No human being on this planet was born to be alone.

You must focus and exercise effort into dating rather than relying on a belief that it should happen “naturally” or “organically.”

Sorry to say, but life isn’t a rom-com.

I wish it were.

“Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.” — Seneca the Younger.

So what can I do!?

Set Goals, ask for data from your dating apps, reflect on past experiences, work on personal growth, and being intentional in communication and actions with potential partners.

You get by doing. The less you do the less you get, the more you do, the more opportunities come right in front of you.

Set small goal: One way to improve your dating life is by setting goals that align with your personal values and desires. Really think about the kind of relationship you want, the qualities you seek, and the type of experiences you want to have with her.
Reflecting on past experiences – Look deep down into your experiences and learn from them. This can involve identifying patterns, recognizing what works and what doesn’t, and taking steps to avoid repeating negative experiences. Keep a journal.
Working on personal growth — Personal growth is an ongoing process that never ever stops, including your dating life. Work hard on self-confidence, communication skills, and emotional intelligence.
Being intentional in communication – This means actively listening, expressing your thoughts and feelings clearly, and being open and letting people know the real you knowing that they might reject you.
Being intentional in actions – A man of consistent action is a man women want. Show up consistently, follow through on commitments, and being honest and authentic in your interactions. Don’t talk shit about things you have zero intention of doing.

Focused Dating Means Being Present.

Focus is the ability to direct your attention and energy toward a specific task or goal. When it comes to dating, it means being fully present in the moment and giving your undivided attention to the person you’re with, so much so she feels it.

So many people have their heads so far up their own ass it’s hard for them to focus on one person, and it’s hard for some people to look past themselves.

Listen to what they have to say, show genuine interest, and be emotionally available.

It’s such a simple process. Ask questions about their hobbies or interests, or it could involve deeper conversations about their hopes, dreams, and fears. Make them feel like the center of the universe. All human beings are driven by emotion and form their deepest connections through shared emotional experiences, which requires being present and attentive during conversations.

Master how to activate both your emotions and watch that connection thrive quicker than Miracle Grow on crack!

I’m not naive to assume this is easy for everyone. Being emotionally available also means being open and vulnerable with her. This is hard if you’ve been hurt in the past, but it’s essential for building a strong and healthy relationship. There is no escaping this.

Suck it up buttercup and move hence forth.

How could you possibly be focused if you’re not giving yourself a full deck of cards? Once you realize you have no control over how someone feels, you’ll be able to put it all on the line, be honest with her about your feelings, fears, and insecurities, as well as be receptive to their own vulnerabilities.

“You have power over your mind, not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.” — Marcus Aurelius

Do you see the power of focus now?

When you’re focused, you’re able to pick up on subtleties and nuances in their behavior and communication, which can help you better understand them.

I wear glasses, and sometimes dating is like wearing glasses with a higher prescription than you’re used to.

Just as the glasses help you see details and small text that you wouldn’t be able to otherwise, being focused helps you pick up on the subtle hints and nonverbal cues that she might be giving you. Trust me, to high-quality people; these skills are very noticeable and actually matter. It could be the difference between you and some other person trying to win them over.

So, just like putting on those glasses, when you’re focused on dating, you’re able to see things more clearly and with greater detail.

Is this clear to you yet? 🙂

“Concentrate all your thoughts upon the work in hand. The sun’s rays do not burn until brought to a focus.” — Alexander Graham Bell.

No more anxiety!

Additionally, focus can help you overcome dating anxiety. I remember feeling incredibly anxious before going on first dates. I was worried about what to wear, what to say, and whether or not I would have any chemistry. But as soon as I sat down with her and started talking, I began to focus on the present moment. And remember the articles I had read on being focused.

I listened intently to what she had to say, asked thoughtful questions, and let go of any worries or anxieties about the future. It was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, and I found myself truly enjoying the experience of getting to know the first dates I had.

I was kinda shocked at how much easier it was to relax and be myself when I wasn’t constantly worrying about what could go wrong. But just being present and focused on my date.

Focusing on the present moment was key to overcoming my dating anxiety. By letting go of my fears and worries, I was able to be more emotionally available and connect with someone new in a way that felt authentic and meaningful.

But as per usual, I won’t just bore you with anecdotes and cringy analogies. I’ll leave some actionable tips you can use today!

So now what?

Time is indeed the most valuable resource in life, but so is the skill of focus when it comes to dating. You must dispel the myth of natural dating and realize that finding a meaningful connection with someone requires effort, intentionality, and conscious thought. A driving passion of your “why” that fills your heart with drive and tenacity to go out and go after what you want!

It means setting goals, reflecting on past experiences, working on personal growth, and being intentional in communication and actions with potential partners. When you’re focused, you can pick up on subtleties and nuances in their behavior and communication, which can help you better understand them. It’s like putting on a pair of glasses with a higher prescription, allowing you to see things more clearly and respond to their needs and desires.

Practicing mindfulness, limiting distractions, asking questions, and being open-minded are all actionable tips to help you be present and overcome dating anxiety.

Let’s commit to being focused in our dating lives and enjoy the journey towards finding our person. The reward of a meaningful and authentic connection with someone is well worth the effort.

“The key to success is to focus our conscious mind on things we desire not things we fear.” — Brian Tracy.

Remember this acronym:

G.R.O.W.T.H.

G: Goal Setting — Align your dating goals with your personal values and desires. Define the relationship you want and the qualities you seek.
R: Reflect — Look deep into your past experiences to identify patterns and learn from them. Keep a journal to track your growth and avoid repeating mistakes.
O: Ongoing Personal Growth — Continuously work on self-confidence, communication skills, and emotional intelligence. Remember, growth is a never-ending journey.
W: Wisdom in Communication — Be intentional in your communication. Listen actively, express your thoughts clearly, and be open about who you are, even if it risks rejection.
T: Take Action — Consistency is key. Show up, follow through, and be honest in your interactions. Avoid making promises you can’t keep.
H: Honesty in Actions — Be genuine in your actions. Consistent, authentic behavior is what women respect and desire.

Find value here? —

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Are you ready to take dating from mediocre to mind-blowing? Look no further, my friends! I have the secret weapon you need in my new book, “The First Date Fix,” available now on Amazon. With practical tips and advice for making a great impression on your first date, you’ll be well on your way to finding love or at least having a fun and enjoyable evening. Plus, for even more dating tips and tricks, make sure to follow me on Instagram, Threads , TikTok, and Youtube. I promise you won’t regret it. Don’t let another first date pass you by without making the most of it. Get “The First Date Fix” today and start your journey to success in the dating world!

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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From The Good Men Project on Medium

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