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In 2004 I went with a party of twenty to the ancient lands of Avalon. Yes, Avalon, the land of Priestess Morgana, King Arthur´s sister and niece of Vivian the Lady of the Lake and ruler of the land beyond the Mists…Which happens to be sited in Glastonbury (UK), or parallel to Glastonbury or in juxtaposition with it, or in sort of a different dimension but still in Glastonbury.
There, after a collective prayer around the Chalice Well where Joseph of Arimathea washed the cup used by Jesus Christ at the Last Supper, we can cross a dimensional gate which is the passage left between two ancient trees and, there you go! One moment we are in an ordinary garden in the unglamorous Glastonbury, one second later we have entered the land of the Celtic Highest Priestess of Avalon. But because we are very spiritual, we prefer to keep the experience within ourselves, locked in our heart-safe as inner wisdom rather than taking a picture (cannot prove I have been in Avalon, bugger!)
In 2004, entering in Avalon had a purpose: I and my party of twenty, where there in a spiritual journey to find our soul mates. In case you are not familiar with this term, a spiritual journey it is basically a three days trip for which one pays a ridiculous amount of money and do things like chanting with random strangers with a spiritual high under the rain, walk around old trees measuring the energy with pendulums and hugging their trunks (eyes closed, breathing in the energy) whilst asking them (the trees, of course) profound questions about the soul, or joining a group of pseudo-monks in bright robes praying to the Goddess in a tiny chapel lighted with colourful candles. Yeah, I did all those things and, guess what? Sure enough, it wasn´t long before I met my soul mate (four months later).
I fell deeply in love and we had a very intense romance that lasted less than a breath. Another month later I was crying my soul out in the presence of one of my spiritual guides (in those times I used to collect spiritual guides, so I had a few), my heart broken into pieces, tearing eyes and snots shamelessly rolling down my chin. My spiritual guide then was a fifty-something big round woman who would hug you with warmth and hastily snap a life lesson at the same time. She said impatiently:
“For goodness sake girl! Stop sobbing! Not all soulmates are meant to stay, but to shake your shit out so you can see it. He is just a mirror. Put yourself together, you silly!”
There are three things that have helped me infinitely in life to make me a better and happier person: brutally honest friends, men who always broke my heart and spiritual guides who never told me what I wanted to listen to. This plump woman slapped my self-pity off my face (figuratively speaking) and butchered my romantic concept of soul mate in one shot. Because she was right: soul mates are mirrors and show us our shit so we can wipe it clean and move ahead all bright and shiny to a better place.
And here is where I wanted to get: to the place where soul mates are the least romantic and more of a nuisance, but so useful for you to improve as a person.
As a singleton, I have been receiving the following messages in a quite consistent basis from people, spiritual readings, coupled smart-ass writers, personal growth journals and even psychology blogs:
- Soul mates are mirrors that make you grow personally and mature
- Soul mates come in the shape of partners
- By avoiding partners (as in love relationships) we are avoiding personal growth
- Who avoids partners, avoids soul mates, avoids personal growth and is scared of life and commitment.
So my understanding of it is that as a single that wants to be single, I will not meet a soul mate (not anymore, anyway) to help me grow personally and I will remain as an immature individual for the rest of my life. Plus I am scared of commitments and life. This is, personal growth for a single person is like Avalon, covered in mists and somehow in juxtaposition with a reality that we cannot touch, as it is only available for the chosen ones: the coupled ones.
Obviously, this is pretty much bullshit. I strongly agree that soul mates are mirrors and we reflect on them, so we can learn about ourselves by being aware of our reflection and act consequently. But to assume that this basic way of life lessons is limited to partners is simply ridiculous.
I am more than willing to admit that love relationships that involve a partner, infatuation or sexual desire, feel like a blow to the head and we notice them much more. But under no circumstances, I will accept that singlehood is a way to avoid personal growth. If so, I will say the opposite, precisely because personal growth is all about mirrors and the reflection of the self on them: if you want to know who you are, look around at every person you know, whether is a close relative, a friend, your boss or the young boy at the shops check-out, all of them are mirrors.
Let´s agree that soul mates are a pathway to personal growth and thus inner peace and a happier life, but let´s stop assuming that this is an exclusive trait for coupled people for the following reasons: because it is plainly unfair (not everybody has a partner, including children and widows, who didn´t voluntarily choose that) and because it is nonsense that your growth depends in such degree on a sole individual.
Let´s also say that soul mates are in fact not that special, since they are mirrors and so is my grumpy neighbor (when his grumpiness bothers me), soul mates are quite common, and thanks for that: suddenly we have a wide spectrum of opportunities for growth, anyone, anywhere, any time.
And know let’s say that those teachings our soul mates (mirrors) have to offer, don´t come isolated from other teachings that other soul mates offer, it is not only a one-on-one training session but also a group session. Let´s stop talking solely about single mirrors and introduce the kaleidoscope.
Being single doesn´t deprive anyone of the opportunity of a one-on-one soul mate to spiritually and mentally train you (I have one myself at home, my son), however, it does a wonderful thing: not being in a committed relationship broaden your relationships with others. It is a fact that by not discussing most decisions with a partner we save energy, and it can be invested in other relationships. So singletons, we are by default open to see more shapes in the kaleidoscope and I believe we have to take this great opportunity of awareness.
But what do I mean by kaleidoscope…..
Originally Published on SingleOwnIt.com
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Photo: Getty Images