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A recent video by Soul Pancake entitled “Men Discuss Feminism and Gender Equality” has been making waves.
In many ways, the men touch on issues with increasing complexity and understanding of men’s role in perpetuating sexism. They have clearly been listening to women, asking questions about their own behavior, and making efforts to dismantle sexism. They really nail the following:
- The fear women experience in public: how they are catcalled, feel unsafe at night, and unsafe to respond aggressively to harassment.
- The acknowledgment that a man being checked out and catcalled is not the same as a woman being checked out and catcalled.
- One man catches his own judgment of a woman not being as scantily clad as he is while going on a jog through the park. He recognizes she is dressed that way because she doesn’t feel safe.
- Women shouldn’t be denied education or work because of their gender.
- A casual sexist joke can have an emotional effect on someone.
- No more hiding behind the “good guy” shield.
- There might be women out there who have felt pressured into having sex.
- Sex should be a shared experience, not something for women to “give” and men to “get.”
These points cannot be understated. In the video “10 Hours of Walking in NYC as a Woman,” which has had over 46 million views at this point, the woman endured innumerable encounters with men which ranged from the relatively harmless (depending on your perspective) to being followed for a number of minutes. Men are clearly waking up to the idea that simply being out in public for a woman can be a vastly different experience than for a man.
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The openness to these men about hearing what is true for women was also a relief. Instead of denying, justifying, or blaming, it was clear these men had truly listened to female friends and partners about what their experiences as women are.
#CheckYourBoys
There are men who need to take responsibility for their actions, not boys.
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In the video, the #checkyourboys hashtag was mentioned a few times. On the one hand, the men were trying to take responsibility for their actions as well as check their male friends if and when sexism arose in speech and action. Bravo for that! However, the use of “boys” undermines that effort. Yes, it can refer to attitudes held by boys, by the younger generation and by men exhibiting juvenile attitudes towards women. People have posted about #checkyourboys in reference to their sons, but let’s not be mistaken: MEN also sexually assault women. MEN harass women. MEN are telling sexist jokes. There are men who need to take responsibility for their actions, not boys. When women walk down the street, men harass them. When a woman is grabbed, it’s by a man. We need men to check the men around them. If we’re talking about sexism, let’s tell it like it is, and not with a hashtag that undermines the reality of the situation.
The Sexist Gap in the English Language
Along with “boys” is the use of the word “girl” within the episode. The vast majority of the time, the men in the video refer to women as “women.” In three poignant moments, however, women are referred to as “girls.” Some might call it semantics. Some might say “girls” is the equivalent of “guys.” Some might say it’s a gap in the English language, which is true. Casual terms for “men” include guy, dude, bro, bruh, buddy. Where are the casual terms for “women”? “Gal”? Why are there so few, and what happens in their absence? In this case, the word “girl” fills in the gap. Etymologically speaking, girl means “female child” or “young unmarried woman.” However, using it as a casual phrase is problematic.
[. . .] changing times and changing words can show shortages in our language and engrained sexist attitudes that we were unaware of until pointed out.
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When we’re looking at a video that specifically addresses sexism, the devil is in the details, and in this case, the casual sexism that exists in English, especially as a default mode. Certainly, speech analysis is a tricky one especially when it’s disconnected from intention. In this case, it’s clear the men in this video are supportive, insightful, and self-reflective. At the same time, changing times and changing words can show shortages in our language and engrained sexist attitudes that we were unaware of until pointed out.
Casual Sexism in Language
In one moment of the video, the man recounts an experience where he was catcalled. He thought the words were for a “girl,” and was going to walk with the “girl” as an effort to protect/help out. Bravo for the actions, but certainly more than young women and female children are being catcalled. Taken another way, would he have considered himself a “boy” being catcalled?
In the second moment, another man wonders if there “a girl in the world” who has had a sexual encounter with him that she didn’t really want to have. Again, the reflection is poignant. Gray area is a contentious area. At the same, the default of “girl” and not “women” is an interesting one. While it might not be considered sexist, it is worth noticing how men speak of women in casual terms. How does language color our experiences? Would a woman have spoken of being sexually involved with a “boy” while intending the usage to be respectful?
Would he refer to a male colleague as a “boy” when referring to work?
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In the last moment, a different man realizes he made a casually sexist comment to a female colleague. Her perceived indecisiveness made her a “typical girl.” He notes the sexism in “typical” as a stereotype, but doesn’t notice that he’s actually referring to a colleague as a girl. Is he working with teens? Or women? Would he refer to a male colleague as a “boy” when referring to work? Again, the gap in language creates a default mode, which is a disservice to both him and the woman he worked with.
Sexism as a Men’s Problem
In the video, one of the men states that while sexism has traditionally been a women’s problem, it’s really a men’s problem. Unlike other points in this video where the sexism is often unraveled to show its complexity, this piece is not. Sexism does not exist in a void. Without also addressing issues of toxic masculinity and the many ways men feel identified with their sexuality, it occurs as simply shifting the burden from one gender to another. In other words, there is work for men, women—all genders—to do around sexism; the burden is not just on one side.
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The men in the video touch on many key issues and are making vast efforts to understand and untangle the complex web of sexism that exists in this country. It is an excellent start, and yet there’s more to examine around the language gap, casual language, and the deeper roots of sexism that we are all working to pull out.
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Photo credit: Soul Pancake
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