Words have the power to destroy and transform.
—
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.
So said the nursery rhyme…
Seriously? Is that even remotely accurate?
Have you ever experienced something coming out of your mouth that seemed like it was said by a third person? All of a sudden time stood still and, like an observer, you knew the words that just came out were not just mere words, but daggers heading to their victim, ready to hurt and wound.
The week before I got married I was living in the home of a friend because I didn’t yet have a place to live, and felt completely overwhelmed by stress. One evening, my fiancé and I got into an argument, and words came out that I knew would wound her deeply: “I don’t even know if this is worth it.”
Time seemed to stand still. The words seemed to move out of my mouth in slow motion and, as soon as they were out, I regretted them and longed to be able to reach out and grab them before they reached my future wife’s sweet ears. She can still feel pain twenty-five years later when she recalls that night.
I was really saying, “I don’t know if you are worth all this stress.”
How I wished the nursery rhyme was true that night.
Many of us remember words or phrases that deeply wounded us growing up. But as men, we are often trained not to admit pain. We often feel that acknowledging hurt will simply expose us to more.
“You disgust me.”
“You’re weak.”
“You’re so dumb.”
“Can’t you do anything right?”
“You’ll never amount to anything.”
And so much worse.
But there is a flip-side to the power of words. As men, we have an incredible power to uplift and give life with our words.
Many years ago, I started a tradition of writing a letter to each of my children on their birthdays. It’s usually just a short note to tell them what they mean to me and how much I love them, but I also share why I’m proud of them, what I’ve seen them overcome, and qualities that I admire in them. Several times, my kids, now all grown and married, have told me that my letter was their favorite present. I’m not sure about that, but I know that words are powerful.
Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.
What an incredible lie! Words can tear down and they can build up. They can give life and destroy life. They can set our loved ones on a path of self-doubt, insecurity, and fear—or confidence, security, and courage.
May we be cautious of our power to destroy, but be lavish with the incredible power each of us has to speak words that transform.
Previously published on STAND Magazine
◊♦◊
Photo: GettyImages