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I am a British 1980’s Generation X teenager and, as such, I grew up surrounded by powerful women. From having my country run by two women (H.M. the Queen and Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher, the Iron Lady) to Joan Collins in her shoulder pads as Alexis Colby in Dynasty. To the example of my mother, whose rock-solid reliability and constant care for me inspires me to this day as the gold standard of motherhood in my eyes. I have always admired strong women and their ability to achieve in a world that, even in the 21st century is still way too male-dominated.
An empowered woman takes responsibility for her life, makes her own rules, honors herself, lives by her inner compass.
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An empowered woman takes responsibility for her life, makes her own rules, honors herself, lives by her inner compass. She values her passions, chooses empowering relationships, takes a stand, develops a relationship with fear (that is, she is courageous), empowers other women and owns her pleasure.
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I like this definition. Certainly, there is something very attractive about a woman who lives up to her own actions, decides what she wants. One who is comfortable in her body, trusts her feminine intuition, does what she loves. A woman who has high standards for her relationships, speaks her mind, is brave, sticks up for the sisterhood and has a healthy attitude towards sex.
The question for men is whether this fair creature represents a threat to us or should be welcomed. I argue for the latter. Indeed, I would further argue that any woman appearing to possess these qualities but who then uses them against men is not as empowered as she thinks she is.
I have always been somewhat suspicious of the rabidly anti-male feminist. While the struggle for equality is real and the issues that still face women remain formidable, I have always sensed in my heart that the feminist who is seriously anti-men is not entirely happy with being female. Perhaps she feels weak, so attempts to look strong by trying to beat men at their own game, encouraging women to behave more like men to get ahead in life and career. It also pains me that there are feminists who became feminists because a man in their lives did something bad to them. While Andrea Dworkin was the most famous example of this kind of feminist, I am encouraged by the fact that more mainstream figures in women’s liberation, such as Germaine Greer, Gloria Steinem, Betty Friedan and Shere Hite, had no such dreadful experiences.
I feel that a truly empowered woman does not look at men as “the competition” but rather invites men to be unthreatened by her femininity and sexuality. For them to be a co-author of female equality together with her, confident that such a man is both her equal and a person worthy of respect.
Can such a man be found? A large number of rather SNAGs (“Sensitive New-Age Guys”) and the number of women reading “50 Shades” suggests that he is rare. In a way, this is a rather sad state of affairs.
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When I was a teenage boy in the 1980’s, I always believed in women’s empowerment. Of course, men and women were created equal. I could hardly believe that the 1960’s generation could ever believe otherwise. Weren’t they the generation who thought blacks should be segregated, who thought gays should be locked up? Also, the ones who thought bombing Cambodia was a good way to stop the Vietnam War? How stupid. Of course, the new generation of hip young things in the 1980’s would never stoop to such ridiculous conclusions. We had Michael Jackson as the King of Pop, Madonna was a role model, British pop singers like Boy George and Culture Club paved the way for gay culture, Freddie Mercury from Queen was bisexual. What was wrong with the older generation?
Guys of my generation grew up in female-dominated families where the father was often absent or unavailable, so I, for one, have had significant issues acting like a man because I had no role model.
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Since then things haven’t quite worked out. I thought it was wrong to ask a woman for sex straight out. No way would I ever make such a stupid mistake as to harass a woman at work. I thought men who did that were ignorant guys who cared nothing for feminism and had an attitude against women. However, some of the guys who grew up with these enlightened beliefs (not me, thank goodness) turned from the light when they realized that behaving in this way resulted in no sex and no
girlfriend. Afraid to ask women for what they really wanted, they hoped that she would “get the hint.” When she didn’t (because he gave no hint—because he thought it was wrong to do that), he turned from being a “nice guy” into being not-so-nice. Then he complained that women had all the power and that they weren’t nurturing enough. The 50% divorce rate didn’t help either. Guys of my generation grew up in female-dominated families where the father was often absent or unavailable, so I, for one, have had significant issues acting like a man because I had no role model.
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Now there is a greater understanding of female sexuality and psychology than there was before. A new generation of guys is growing up realizing that there is a duality to femininity. The successful CEO in the boardroom also likes being submissive in the bedroom. She can believe in women’s liberation and read “50 Shades” at the same time. She can choose to be an ethical slut or choose to wait for the right man because she believes she is worth it. She grew up in high school surrounded by women who chose to have relationships with their friends, regardless of whether those friends are male or female, and she doesn’t feel the need to label this behavior as a definite sexuality. What’s a little cunnilingus between friends? Does it have to mean she’s bisexual? Can’t she just hang out and be chill about whatever happens?
She can live her passions, fulfill her dream, achieve her life goals.
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Today’s teenage boys think this is normal. As a high school teacher, I’ve seen it. I don’t want to see any more young girls growing up ashamed because their bodies don’t live up to some ideal. I want her to listen to her womb and trust what it says, to be comfortable with her femininity and proud to be a woman. She can live her passions, fulfill her dream, achieve her life goals. I feel encouraged that teenage boys are already accepting this as the way it should be. As for me, I love this type of woman. She challenges me to be the best I can be.
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She is courageous, and that inspires me. Also, dare I say it—this woman is sexy. I want her—and it’s safe to want her; because a woman confident in her sexuality knows she is attractive to a man who is confident in his.
In this way, then, a fully-empowered woman can empower men to rise above the stereotypes of the past to become the fully-confident man he has always wanted to be and to share that confident life with her; and if all men embraced this, this world would be better off for it.
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Photo: Military Health / flickr
I have always been somewhat suspicious of the rabidly anti-male feminist. That is part of the agenda, rather than listen, learn, study, judge and dismiss. That is how it works, attack the speaker rather than the speech, so that the speech is never heard, and the critique is held in silence. I’d suggest reading up on the history of feminism, what it was, what it has become, for anyone that still subscribes to such. It was once a noble cause, but it’s time has long past yet there are those that have not evolved. Many of us have only been… Read more »
Barking up the wrong tree there brother. Its’ not women that are not free to be what they want to be, have duality, it is us. It is why, even here at GMP, there are far more female support articles then male, why so many speak to us about what we need to do for them (as yours does), but very few holding them to account. The bad boy/nice guy thing is a fine example (the new Madonna/whore, but for men). This is all great for women, but when we see women writing articles celebrating men in such ways, when… Read more »
Thanks for your comment, Roukan! My number one concern in this article is to love women. In doing so, I have never felt “not free”, so I have never felt that women need to do anything for guys. Nevertheless, if I believe in myself, remain carefree, self-amused and high status, she will be attracted to those qualities and will suddenly want to do things for me. I consider her willingness or unwillingness to spend time with me is a direct result of my behaviour. You will find that the more time you spend focused on your own goals, the more… Read more »
Not sure how expressing appreciation for her man would make a woman look slutty. Mine does it all the time. Anyway. “In doing so, I have never felt “not free”, so I have never felt that women need to do anything for guys.” she will be attracted to those qualities and will suddenly want to do things for me. I consider her willingness or unwillingness to spend time with me is a direct result of my behavior. Yep, I believed all that at your age also. I had it all figured out. I listened to all the women writers of… Read more »
Thank you, Roukan, for your two new comments and continuing contributions to this discussion! I’m sorry to hear about your divorce and what happened to you before. It must have been terrible for you. Also, concerning your other comment regarding feminism, I couldn’t follow your argument exactly, since it’s a bit heavy-going to read but generally, I agree that the Second Wave of feminism of the 1960’s to 1980’s has had its day. Those ladies did some great stuff for equality in the workplace and things like that. However, it all fell apart in the mid-80’s, when they couldn’t agree… Read more »
Oliver
You say “….the more time you spend focused on your own goals ,the more attraction you will create”
NO Oliver.
This is not true.
Ask any women that married an man that is never there ,never at home or never give the relationship top priority if they feel more and more attracted to this man.
Of course not.
It is a trap some men walk into of their own free will,and maybe they think it does make them more loved, more desired. But no.
The entire world is just an arena for competition. Don’t expect women not to compete with men. Also, men who modify their behavior to “get” sex or a girlfriend come off as trying to fool women and it’s very transparent and off-putting. Let women come to you. Yes, that means it might take longer to “get” sex than you would like. Use that time to develop your inner gifts and you’ll ultimately build the psychological resources needed to sustain the meaningful relationships that everyone wants. Use that time to become frustrated and enraged at being denied something you feel entitled… Read more »
Chris, I agree with everything you say, except the bit about lowering standards. I feel that maintaining what you believe in will attract the kind of woman who admires those things. I worry that any lowering will then attract a woman who won’t be able to offer you the satisfying relationship being sought. Thanks, anyway, for your comment! Have a great day!
“50 Shades” is a story that glorifies an abusive relationship, and women who are powerful and comfortable with themselves aren’t fans. Also, most feminists don’t hate men…even those feminists who have had men do bad things to them. Hint: not all Civil Rights activists hated white people either! In truth, this article sounds like something written by a man who isn’t really an ally to women in their struggle for equality (and in some cases, for basic human rights).
Thanks, Arakiba, for your thoughtful comments on my article. As I mentioned in my article, I agree with you on the fact that most feminists don’t hate men – I only mentioned Andrea Dworkin, who was raped by her husband – the other 4 feminists whose names I stated had no such dreadful experiences. I am surprised a little by your comments on “50 Shades” – it is a BDSM fan fiction novel. I think it’s very important to be able to tell the difference between BDSM and abusive relationships. If a relationship is abusive, then of course, no woman… Read more »
Amen.
Your comments have been very hateful to date.
Good for you Oliver; however, not all men need a woman to feel empowered or be themselves.
Thank you, Max, for your comment! However, I’m not sure what you mean – I think you mean that “not all men need to be themselves by having an empowered woman in their lives”, right? According to the grammar of what you have written, you are saying, “some men would prefer that women not be empowered or feel like themselves”. Please clarify! Have a great day!
Sorry, forgot to put “help them” in between to and feel.
Haha, thanks!
Tom needs a ‘like’ He nailed it. I am not interested in a grandma that cant manage an email / blackberry juggling session while professing to not understand security markings while head of the State Dept. She earns none of my respect – and not because she is a woman ~ it is because is an incompetent danger to National Security.
If the “empowered women is Ms. Clinton, no thanks. There are far better women then Hillary that I look up to. Like Mother Teresa is a good example.
A great read. Thanks for articulating this deep respect and admiration for empowered women. You might enjoy a social site dedicated to exploring female-led relationships, such as conquerhim.com, that do not cater to BDSM themes, but rather celebrate strong women and the men who love them.
Thanks, Dale, for the link! I’ll check it out! Actually, though, I am currently exploring ways to become more dominant in my relationship, in order to release my wife’s sexuality and become a better lover and husband. However, that social site definitely sounds interesting, just to see what kind of women are empowered and what they do in their lives! Thanks again! Have a great day!