Blaming the current state of dating on online dating apps seems in vogue as of late.
Anytime anything related to dating comes up, I can bet my bottom dollar something will be said about how online dating has made finding love a nightmare.
But is this really the case?
If online dating is as bad as people say, then why has the online dating business been one of the fastest-growing industries worldwide, with record profits reported year after year.
The popularity of online dating is not showing any signs of waning any time soon.
Experts predict by 2035, most new relationships will be formed online compared to offline. Considering how pervasive technology has become in our daily lives, such news is not surprising. You can accomplish pretty much anything from the comfort of your home. I don’t see what makes finding love online any different.
My experience with online dating has largely been positive. But that’s not to say it’s always been smooth sailing. I have certainly had my down moments. It’s just that none of my negative experiences have been bad enough to put me off using dating apps.
However, I do realize that online dating is not for everyone.
With that said, here are my two cents on why I feel most people have a negative bias towards dating apps, even though they continue to use them.
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Dating Apps Are Just Tools
The sole purpose of a dating app is to connect two or more people who are interested in dating. The apps in of themselves are neither good nor bad. So blaming them for modern dating woes would be akin to blaming the telephone for destroying face-to-face communication.
And for some of you out there who say they prefer to meet people offline: unless you only want to meet a love interest via your immediate social circle, it makes no difference if you meet online. You still need to get acquainted in the real world.
So what if you first met online? what relevance will that have years down the line?
How you meet has little to no bearing on how well your relationship will fare. A genuinely good person will remain so, whether they are online or offline. Dating apps won’t magically turn good people into mean individuals who are out to use and abuse whoever they cross paths with.
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Online Dating Is Better
I know some people won’t like to hear this, but I’m going to say it anyway.
Dating is a numbers game, whether you believe it or not.
I realize it feels good to think the universe has some divine plan that will create a sequence of events leading to you and the love of your life getting acquainted.
The reality for most people (especially before the dawn of dating apps) is who we end up with largely depends on our social circle. The more people you know, the higher the odds, the more opportunities available to you.
Unless you are comfortable approaching random strangers in public spaces, where else can you get the opportunity to interact with hundreds of potential dates?
Not only do these apps allow you to potentially interact with a lot of people in a short space of time, but they also allow you to pre-qualify and filter out individuals right down to your desired preferences.
When meeting people in the real world, you often have no idea if they are taken or single, nor do you know if they are even interested in dating.
You would have to make dating a part-time job just to get the same results you would when you utilize the power of cyber-dating.
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Here Is Why Most People Fail at Online Dating
It’s no secret that people on dating apps tend to focus more on visuals more so than in real life.
The more pretty or handsome you are, the more attention you are likely to receive.
However, if you are average in the looks department, all is not lost. There is plenty that can be done to even the playing field.
I remember when I first started cyber-dating, I never took it seriously. I would use one grainy picture, add a nondescript sentence to my bio, and fill out the bare minimum needed to activate my account. Unsurprisingly, my results were abysmal.
But I didn’t just give up and call it a day.
I scraped my old account and approached online dating with a completely different mindset.
My initial failure with dating apps taught me one thing, and that is dating is not that different from sales. I realized I was a product and all the singles on dating apps were my potential customers. All I had to do was present myself in the best possible way that will attract the type of customers I desire.
I accomplished this by making sure I had the best possible pictures because remembered online dating was a visual medium. You can’t just take selfies and call it a day.
I also made sure to completely fill out my profile as well as write up an enticing bio that I knew would appeal most to the type of person I want to attract.
And whenever I started getting matches I made sure to vet them because I valued my time and didn’t want it wasted. Above all, I always made sure to remain respectful in all my interactions even when they went nowhere.
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Online Dating Is Not for Everyone
Far too many people turn to online dating with unrealistic expectations. This leads them to feel disappointed when reality finally hits them hard.
Dating is never easy, even if you have all the characteristics that appeal to the people you desire. You still need to put in work.
I believe it takes a special type of mindset to make online dating work, especially if you intend to use it to meet new people regularly.
You need a certain level of detachment, a thick skin if you will. The anonymity of being online means people are less likely to be as respectful as they would when having face-to-face interactions, so the odds of having bad experiences with dating apps are higher. This is one reason most social spaces online have moderators to ensure people are kept in line.
The ease of use doesn’t help much. This low bearer to entry means many people are less likely to take the dating process seriously since the initial investment they have to make is low.
I have heard about how some people feel online dating makes dating difficult because it gives people a false sense of abundance. Though I’m not convinced this is the case, at least for a sizable chunk of the dating population.
If someone has a wandering eye, maybe online dating might make it easier for them to meet someone new. But I believe even if online dating did not exist, the grass is greener syndrome wouldn’t just go away, people would still look for better opportunities offline.
I do understand why all this would put off some people from using dating apps.
But for the rest of us who are comfortable navigating the world of dating apps with all the stress that comes along with it. The potential of meeting great people, and eventually that one special person who becomes a life partner, makes it all worth it.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels
