Stop Comparing Your School Experience With Your Child’s School Experience

“If you find unpleasant memories bubbling up from your own school experience, recognize that it is an aspect of you that is looking for understanding and healing.”-Janet D. Thomas

School was never a challenge for me academically until college, but that’s another story. School was challenging for me because I wanted to be popular and I was not. I wanted to be cool and I was not. I wanted to be well-liked, and I was not. But in the long run, it was quite okay because I got exactly what I needed. I loved to learn then, and I still love to learn now. That’s just who I am and I have long since made peace with myself as a smart, and somewhat awkward little girl.

Years later when I was pregnant, I thought about the line from the movie Forrest Gump: “Life is like a box of chocolates… you never know what you’re gonna get.” And I wondered about my baby’s personality and life challenges, whether he would love to learn or not, and more than anything, I prayed about being a good mom; I prayed about having the ability to support him in all ways and giving him what he needed to thrive.

What I didn’t realize was how much all of my own issues would surface at whatever age he was. For example, when it was time for him to go to school, I was more than a little scared for him. Would he be picked on like I was? Would he feel like the odd man out like I felt? Would he enjoy school?

I worried about those things a lot when he was in school. Thank goodness his dad helped keep me in check. Countless times he would say to me, “Jan, he is not you. Stop seeing him through your experiences.” He said it over and over again because he needed to, and I needed to hear it. I couldn’t see that our son was not bullied. I couldn’t see that he was confident, and not awkward like I had been at his age. I had a habit of continuous worry that I couldn’t get a handle on, even though I wanted to. I really wanted to see him through less filtered eyes; I wanted to see him and love him and support him for who HE was, rather than see him through my experiences.

With that in mind, I began my journey to address and heal my own childhood pain. And one school day years later, I drove my son to school as usual. As I drove, I thought about how I used to walk to and from school every day, and certainly my son must be missing something really important by being driven to school every day. Then, I had the breakthrough. It occurred to me that he has no memory or understanding about walking to school every day, all he knows is his current experience, and it is working out just fine for him!

The heaviness in my heart lifted immediately. “OMG,” I thought. “Different doesn’t mean anything’s wrong, different is just different. He’s doing fine. He’s doing absolutely fine!” It was like a veil was lifted. I was finally able to see that he didn’t have my challenges and I could finally support him and celebrate him and his experiences for what they were without bringing my own baggage to the equation. Miracles DO happen!

As the new school year approaches, I invite you to advance to the next level as well. If you find unpleasant memories bubbling up from your own school experience, recognize that it is an aspect of you that is looking for understanding and healing. And give it to yourself. Tell your inner student how wonderful and valuable they are. Give to them, right now, the support and encouragement you wanted to receive back then.

When you stop comparing your school experience with your child’s school experience, you stay in the present moment, with them. When you are in the present moment with them, they can feel it, and your relationship with them can get stronger, clearer and more open.

Here’s to you. And with the dawn of a new school year, I wish you and yours lifted veils, lots of breakthroughs and much love!

Photo: Esparta/Flickr