We’ve all heard of Romeo and Juliet.
Keywords — and Juliet. (Shoutout to the new Broadway production.)
Anyway, it was Romeo and Juliet — not Romeo and Justine, Jackie, Jennifer…etcetera.
Do you suppose their love story would have been more romantic, impactful, and stood the test of time if Romeo had several failed romances, and poor Juliet was just one of the many?
I think not.
Modern dating suggests that the more relationships you have, the more knowledgeable you are.
The more you understand dating and the way men and women relate to each other romantically.
The real kicker is the assumption that you’re more qualified to give advice.
I find this laughable.
That’s like saying, “hey, I’ve been in a lot of car accidents. Let me teach you how to drive!”
Far too often, we assume that the men and women who have cycled through numerous sexual and romantic partners are the ones we should be going to for advice.
It’s actually the opposite.
If you’re aiming to have an endless merry-go-round of break-ups and make-ups, by all means. Take the trashy advice from the “experts.”
But if you’re looking for a meaningful and lasting connection, your best bet is to go to someone who has maintained a long-term relationship with their partner over time.
A person who has gone through more breakups than they can count on their fingers is proficient in breaking up — not in finding love.
“You have to kiss a few frogs before you find your prince!”
I’ll admit — I’ve used this phrase when my friends tell me about their (often ridiculous) relationship history.
Guys who turned out to be gay. Guys with the emotional regulation of a five-year-old. Guys who kissed like a rabid dog and then expected the night to continue. Guys with a severe lack in understanding social cues. Oh, and guys who couldn’t manage basic hygiene.
(Love to see it. Right ladies?)
But this phrase has gained popularity is as a way to comfort ourselves after our poor dating choices.
But I say, no more. No more kissing frogs!
You don’t have to settle for a history of bad relationships until you find the right one.
Of course, there are going to be learning curves and growth throughout a person’s life, but you absolutely do not need to settle for less and convince yourself that it was good as a “learning experience.”
Far too often these so-called “learning experiences” leave us scarred, jaded, and traumatized.
That hardly seems worth the benefit of whatever you might learn from a toxic and unhealthy relationship.
Truly, waiting for the right person to come into your life is always better than “kissing frogs” to fill in the time in between.
Every relationship is going to require learning and growth, but you deserve more than kissing frogs and hoping that one of them will turn out to be the one for you.
You kisses, and your time, are certainly worth more than that.
Singular love stories are rare — but boy are they beautiful.
While very, very few of us get it right the first time, it is not impossible.
Focus your energy on being in the best relationship you can, on being the best person you can be, and forget kissing frogs.
You are worth more and deserve better.
This post was previously published on medium.com.
You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
|White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism||Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box||The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer||What We Talk About When We Talk About Men|
Photo credit: David Clode on Unsplash