Question: Coach Allana, my wife and I just signed divorce papers. Now, we’re getting along better than ever! Should we have gotten the divorce? Is it possible being free from each other is making us want each other more?
Answer: Isn’t independence curious? We certainly don’t want codependent relationships or to be controlled or dominated by anyone, yes? And yet once we’ve become solid on our own, solid independently, what’s next in our conscious evolution is interdependent relationships… where we each contribute to one another and the whole is greater than the sum of the parts.
It sounds like in your marriage there wasn’t a sense of freedom with in the partnership. Perhaps there weren’t spacious non judgmental conversations about what it would take for each of you to be thriving independently so you could come together interdependently.
Perhaps one or both of you gave away your time with your girlfriends or guyfriends. Perhaps once you began to live under the same roof, old limiting beliefs or negative programming or cellular memories or images imprinted into your mind flashed up to the surface triggering each other. Perhaps you didn’t have the skills to move through challenges with success during the marriage, bringing you closer ever time. Perhaps you never learned about intimacy rituals or healthy communication patterns so that it was safe to be vulnerable and honest together.
And now that you’re divorced and getting along better than ever making you want each other even more… it seems we’re back to the core place that attracted you to one another. This is great… but don’t think just by getting back together everything will be fine! The old patterns have not been healed! The sabotaging mechanisms have not been healed! It’s simply you’ve taken the foot off the gas and you’re coasting in a bigger bubble of spaciousness… But is soon as you get back into gear living under one roof, the issues will rise again. Promise. And perhaps worse given all you’ve been through with the divorce, too.
My recommendation would be to have a clear look at what’s going on: you’re attracted to one another and have the capacity to get along when there’s a sense of freedom and honor and spaciousness. Marriage the old way didn’t work. What WOULD it take for a relationship to work together? The next step would be to do the inner work and gain the communication skills so that you could thrive in a relationship again whether that’s officially marriage or cohabitating.
I literally have one couple that I coach who unknowinglgy haphazardly blended two families with 6 teenagers together. As you an imagine… it combusted into a legal separation with tremendous shame and judgment from family and friends. However during the separation period they found me. I worked with each of them separately and together while they lived separately. They actually realized they parented quite differently and each enjoyed their downtime away from each other substantially. Thus living a few blocks away from one another was perfect for now. Coming back together meant some forgiveness work, a new solid deal in place, new courageous communication rituals and a boat load of patience.
This past month their last child graduated from high school and is off to college. They’ve already put their house on the market and found a beautiful lake property to retire two together 🙂 They are living beyond other people’s judgments of their non traditional marriage and they’re happier than ever.
Bottom line if they hadn’t been willing to do the inner work and learn how to communicate effectively together, separation would’ve led to divorce. Yet because they were willing to sit in the fire and look inside and do the deep work that I take my clients through… now they are happier than ever, kind of like high school kids to be honest! The sex is incredible, the communication is honest and there’s a sense of vulnerability, safety and connection they’ve never had before.
If you’re a 10 out of 10 ready to roll up your sleeves and do this type of transformational work with your… I guess she’s your ex-wife… Why don’t we call her your beloved 🙂 If you’re ready to do this work with your beloved and would like to see if you’re a fit to be invited to work with me… I would be thrilled to see your application in my inbox!
Go to www.allanapratt.com/connect and apply for a complementary session with me so that I can ensure exactly the results you’re looking for, and more 🙂
Life rarely looks like what we think it’s going to… Yes?
I guess that’s why they call the unknown a mystery…
Sending you so much love XOXO Allana
p.s. Gentlemen…End the Fear of Rejection.
Enjoy your “How To Be A Noble Badass” Complementary Training at www.GetHerToSayYes.com
Ladies…Be irresistible. Feel sacred. Attract him now.
Enjoy your “Vulnerability is the New Sexy” Complementary Training at www.AllanaPratt.com