—
Tears Of Our Fathers
Eric Boyette, Tampa Florida
From Dads Behaving DADLY: 67 Truths, Tears, and Triumphs of Modern Fatherhood Copyright © 2014 Motivational Press. Reprinted with permission. By Hogan Hilling and Al Watts.
◊♦◊
I’m watching a slide show of other men’s families flash across the overhead projection screen in a fluorescent-lit classroom at the 18th Annual At-Home Dads Convention in Denver, Colorado. A moment ago, I was eating a cupcake topped with bacon… because that’s how (some) men do it. I watch with detached interest as little faces, little hands, big eyes, and gigantic dreamers click across the screen.
After a few minutes though, the room grows silent; disturbed only by laughter at behind-the-scenes antics each of us can imagine by looking at this one frame. Each picture is just one sliver of a moment and I, like most in the room, don’t know more than a handful of the children in the video. Some are alone with hilarious expressions. Others are with their siblings playing or holding hands. There are more still with mom or dad embracing or sharing silly costumes with their children.
Now droplets spilling over the dam of my eyelids have caught me by surprise.
What trickery is this!? Why the waterworks?
This is a man’s convention, a dad’s convention dammit! Aren’t we supposed to be too hungover to make it to the presentations? Shouldn’t we be considering cutting out early to check out a strip club? What is going on here?!
When it comes to fathers who don’t follow society’s rules, I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised to find that what might look like a glorified guy’s weekend away to the casual observer turns out to be so much more. I look to my right: red eyes. I look to my left and that dude has a tissue at his face. Everyone looks as stunned as I am to have been caught off guard by family pictures, but no one is ashamed. We share these feelings. We let them roll over us. We are the same.
We’ve talked about communicating effectively, about being engaged. We’ve heard stories of loss and triumph. We’ve listened to raconteurs deliver heart-wrenching descriptions of miracles. We’ve laughed at each other’s anecdotes about the challenges of being an at-home parent. We’ve heard quotes such as: “Potty training isn’t a corridor, it’s a labyrinth” (Chris Routly of www.DaddyDoctrines.com). We’ve learned breathing exercises from Dr. Rich Mahogany of ManTherapy.org.
We all wanted to hug National At-Home Dad Network President Al Watts as he painted a picture for us, with a croaking voice, of his 11-year old daughter falling off a horse into a canyon and surviving. The pain he felt, the feelings of helplessness he endured as he waited for her to be extracted via helicopter, pierced us all like a dagger. The sheer force of will he showed to get through the epic story for us became our strength and we helped feed it within him.
The weekend was an incredible experience.
I’ve met dozens of guys for the first time and others I only knew from social media. I’ve ribbed and joked with men as if we were old buddies, then turned around and had conversations with them I’d be surprised to have with my closest friends. There were beers, bourbon, and burgers with guys who will make your stomach hurt from laughter. I’ve listened to stories of sorrow, tragedy, intestinal fortitude, persistence and honor in the face of challenges. Sure, many of us partied and carried on, but we were careful to pull back the reins so as not to miss out on an opportunity to learn and share with these fathers.
As I sit here watching the faces of children I’ve never met go by on the screen, those faces stop being strangers and they start to represent fatherhood in general for me. They show how much we have in common despite our differences, and they are the thread that hold all in attendance together. We’re lashed together by the common purpose of raising great children and becoming the best fathers we can be.
Somehow the grins going by cease to be just some kids and they start to look like loved members of my community. I see determination in their eyes. I see wonder, love, and innocence in every smile. I see faces looking for approval they readily receive from loving parents. I’m reminded of the stories I’ve heard this week and suddenly all of the stories I’ve heard of pain and encouragement of miracles and disasters have become my own. I’m crying with joy for these families and my own.
These dads demonstrated how we should define masculinity; with strength and support for each other and for our families, with empathy and encouragement for all in our community and many beyond, through teaching and in listening we teach our boys and girls what a man is… what a dad is.
◊♦◊
Eric Boyette is a full-time stay-at-home dad of two and is happily married to his best friend. As an at-home father, Eric has pursued his dream of being a writer and has been featured at the Huffington Post, Good Men Project, National At-Home Dad Network, and writes for his own page www.DadOnTheRun.com. Before becoming a father, Eric was the Vice-President of Operations with a private investigative firm, which means his kids have no chance during a game of hide-and-seek.
Hogan Hilling is a nationally recognized and OPRAH approved author of 12 published books. Hilling has appeared on Oprah. He is the creator of the DADLY book series and the “#WeLoveDads” and “#WeLoveMoms” Campaigns, which he will launch in early 2018. He is also the owner of Dad Marketing https://dadmarketingconsulting.wordpress.com/, a first of its kind consultation firm on how to market to dads. He is also the founder of United We Parent, www.unitedweparent.com. Hilling is also the author of the DADLY book series and first of its kind books. The first book is about marketing to dads “DADLY Dollar$” and two coffee table books that feature dads and moms. “DADLY Dads: Parents of the 21st Century” and “Amazing Moms: Parents of the 21st Century.” Hilling is the father of three children and lives in southern California.
—
Originally published in Dads Behaving DADLY: 67 Truths, Tears, and Triumphs of Modern Fatherhood Copyright © 2014 Motivational Press. Reprinted with permission.
—
If you believe in the work we are doing here at The Good Men Project, please join like-minded individuals in The Good Men Project Premium Community.
◊♦◊
◊♦◊
Get the best stories from The Good Men Project delivered straight to your inbox, here.
◊♦◊
◊♦◊
Sign up for our Writing Prompts email to receive writing inspiration in your inbox twice per week.
♦◊♦
We have pioneered the largest worldwide conversation about what it means to be a good man in the 21st century. Your support of our work is inspiring and invaluable.
—
Photo credit: Getty Images
—