The #1 Sign She’s Just Not That Into You

If a girl does this to you, she’s not interested.

I did this to someone, but I wasn’t aware of what I was doing until my crush’s crush did the same thing to him.

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Background

My dating history is quite short.

While I’ve gone on random first dates here and there, I’ve only had one boyfriend and one significant other without titles.

The latter was a real hoot. You can read my story about him here:

But like everyone else, I’ve made my share of mistakes.

At some point early in 2021, I developed a crush on one of my co-workers. And even though I dropped what I thought were hints, it was clear he never picked up what I was puttin’ down.

Knowing what I know now, I’m thankful for that.

I, later, found out that the reason he didn’t pick up on any of my ridiculously obvious, pretty-much-asking-him-out-without-calling-it-a-date hints was because he was obsessed with someone else who wasn’t giving him the time of day.

I found this out because when he felt comfortable enough around me (read: I friend-zoned myself, I guess), he told me all about this girl and his many attempts to be her beau.

As he told me about their interactions, I realized she was pretty much doing what I did in my first relationship.

Hearing my behaviors dictated back to me helped me understand that when someone isn’t that into you, the #1 game they’ll play with you (even if they don’t realize they’re playing it) is the push and pull.

Push and pull

Express your interest, then pull away.

It might work to pique interest initially, and some dating advice gurus advocate for women to do this in the beginning stages of courtship to not seem too eager.

But this game becomes a problem when it lasts for the full duration of your situationship.

There are many schools of thought around dating and while I tend to be anti-game playing, there are many people who think games are the key to getting someone to be yours.

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In a way, I blame the normalcy of playing games in dating for the fact that a lot of men tend to miss this incredibly obvious sign that a girl is not into them because they think she’s just playing a game.

But from what I’ve seen and from what I understand, if someone genuinely wants you AND they’re a mature adult, they won’t play games with you.

At least, they shouldn’t.

My first experience

The first person I seriously dated was not a good fit for me.

My gut instinct knew. And when I decided to listen to my head, I would dump him.

But then I’d listen to my heart, and I’d get back together with him.

I broke up with him lots of times. Lots of times.

An extreme version of the push and pull, but push and pull, nonetheless.

And this was, pretty much, what my (former) office crush’s crush was doing to him.

The power of choice

Guys, if she repeatedly demonstrates interest and then pulls away when you decide to take the bait, she’s neither into you nor mature nor worth your time.

My co-worker looked me in the eyes and asked if I thought his crush was potentially bipolar.

I remembered that my first significant other asked me the same question.

They figured no one in their right mind would be so hot and cold.

Was I bipolar? No.

But I was immature and not that into my former significant other.

Is my co-worker’s crush bipolar? I don’t know. I’m not her doctor.

But I assume she’s just immature and/or not that into him.

We have choices when we date people. And people have choices when they date us.

If someone doesn’t choose you, don’t choose them.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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