Why can some people easily find relationships while others (like yourself) remain eternally single? Here are the seven most common reasons that are not only stopping you from finding that special someone, but are also why any relationships you do have, fall down.
There’s this huge elephant in the room when it comes to relationships in our “modern-day” society… even though we are in the 21st century, there’s still this overhanging expectation that everyone should be in a serious intimate relationship and if not, at least had a successful one in their lifetime.
That’s a lot of pressure to accommodate and when someone ask you why you’re single there’s a few options you could respond with:
- “I’m Happily Single”
- “All the good ones are taken”
- “Haven’t found the right one yet”
- “No one is interested in me”
- “I don’t have time for a relationship”
- “I don’t have the money for a relationship”
- “Judgement day is just around the corner, what’s the point?”
- “I don’t know how to talk to the opposite sex”
- “Where do I meet them?”
- “I don’t want to be”
- “I don’t want to be tied down”
- “I’m not good enough for a relationship”
- “My relationships never work out”
- “I don’t have time for a relationship, I’m focused on my comic book collection right now.”
- and so on and so forth…
The simple truth is you don’t owe anyone an explanation.
If, however, you would like to change that status, here are seven reasons that may be the cause. At least one of them will apply to you, but more than likely you’ll notice it’s a combination of a few.
The first possible reason that you are single is that you choose to be. The only reason this wouldn’t apply to you is if someone is forcing you against your will to be single and you are unable to choose differently even if you wanted to. Since you are reading this, I will assume that is not the case (thankfully) and you are making your own choices.
Whether it’s because you don’t want a relationship, you haven’t found the right one yet or you can’t seem to find one… a series of choices has led you to where you are, choices you made under your own will.
The key to changing things moving forward is to realize it has all been your creation so far, even if you don’t like your current results—own it and then you can change it.
2. High Standards
Some people call this “picky.” If you’re single and you still haven’t found the right one even though there are options available, then this may be you. How long has it been since you last had a relationship? Weeks? Months? Years?
If you believe this is you, try easing up on yourself and worry less about things being perfect. That’s not to say just be with anyone for the sake of it though. You have your list of who you want your partner to be, look at that list and identify the top five “non-negotiables” (less is ok) and let the rest surprise you.
There’s nothing more unattractive than desperation. It’s pretty easy to see in people when they need something to happen. You can’t help but sense they are in it for their own gain and no-one else’s. If it seems like the more you chase after a relationship, the more it seems to run from you, you could be projecting desperation into your love life.
Focus on yourself and the value that you bring to the table in a relationship. Desperation breeds when you need something outside of yourself to be happy, and your life goes on pause until you have it. Abolish the belief that you can’t or won’t have the relationship you want.
There is no need to try and impress people. Just be your own unique self and in allowing others to do the same, you can begin appreciating their one of a kind view of the world and do that together as one.
4. Playing It Safe
It’s a very romantic idea to trust in fate, but it’s a mistake not to be proactive with your love life. If you’re sitting down and waiting for love to come knock on your door, or if you have a fixed idea on how a relationship will/should materialize for you, then this is you. Quit confining yourself and start getting out there.
Try new things and be open to romance, even when it comes in the most unlikely form, let life surprise with how it comes to you, just make sure you give it plenty of opportunities to come to you because you never know where it could lead.
[NOTE: if the single life isn’t for you, and are ready for conscious, like-minded individuals you really want to meet, try MeetMindful for free today—the fastest growing dating site for conscious singles.]
5. Fear of Being “Tied Down”
You enjoy your independence and don’t want to lose it. If you’ve had a relationship in the past where you had clingy, desperate partner that made their whole life about you and you couldn’t have your own life as well, then this most likely applies to you.
If you want a life entirely unhindered by others, then single may be the path for you; but if you truly desire a relationship, then respect for your own path as well as others’ is paramount. Allow their life to influence yours a bit more than is comfortable, but still maintain your own independence. Know that the relationship didn’t fail just because of them… at the end of the day, we are all in this together.
6. You’re Uninterested in a Relationship
What’s the point in a relationship? Why bother? If you’re happily single and past relationships just haven’t been worth the time and effort, then this is the category you fall into. You probably have had plenty of interest from others, but you just have no desire to enter into one. It’s no ones fault, and sometimes you may feel bad turning down the affections of others, but you were just being authentic—no one can be mad at that.
If this you, you may find that you have short lived or physical-only relationships with people—others may even call you a “player.” While there’s nothing wrong with this at all, if you do want to be in a long-term relationships, it begins with paying close attention to the value that others bring and appreciating the unique way that they view the world.
*The flip side of this is if no one is interested in you. If you feel unwanted from others and you’re not being paid interest, then look again at reasons #3 and #4. Others recognizing the value in you begins with you seeing it in yourself first.
7. Not Giving Enough
The last reason applies to you when you find that your relationships never seem to last.They always fall apart when they’re about to reach the next level and get serious. You’ve presumably had a few serious relationships before, relationships that you thought would last, but just seemed to fall down. If this rings a bell and especially if you’ve struggled with reasons #5 and #6 in the past then you may be holding back form your partner.
Sometimes it’s easy to want things to stay the same, because things are comfortable and going well and serious changes in a relationship can turn that on its head. Start with the simple idea of no longer seeing you and your partner as separate people. Allow yourself to be totally invested in them and to also be your own person. One area of your life does not define you completely, realize that being in a relationship is only a single part of your life and simply dedicate to giving your everything to each part.
At the end of the day it’s all just a choice, and knowing what choice you’ve made to get where you are today makes it easier to get to where you want to go.
About the Author: Frank Fava is from Sydney, Australia. He is the Founder of Relationships Revealed, a movement dedicated to helping individuals to each walk their own path, experiencing how being their best selves infectiously impacts their relationships, learning what it takes to be a part of a something that has a lasting impact for everyone involved and touched by it. Find him on Facebook, Twitter and at Relationships Revealed.
Originally published at MeetMindful. Reprinted with permission.