I’m willing to bet you’ve at least had one of these mistakes happen to you! I’ve been great and texting! I’ve been absolutely shit at texting, and I’ve had moments where I wanted to hide in a hole somewhere. But the mistakes helped me crack some kinda code, and I want to share it with you!
Texting in a dating context is never as easy as most men might think. Especially cause there’s always some slick-talking wanker who can do just a little better than you. It’s like a high-stakes poker game; there’s always a smooth player with an ace up his sleeve.
Modern dating makes texting kinda shit — a place where a simple “Hey” can be a cataclysmic event, and the difference between “your” and “you’re” can determine your fate; some people find it hard to contemplate and give grace to simple spelling mistakes.
If you’ve managed to secure the coveted prize: her number by a chance meeting or online. A hearty congratulations are in order! But holster that champagne just yet. The journey is far from over. It’s actually just begun.
You’re now in the murky and often bewildering realm of texting to secure a date.
And please, commenters spare me the “can’t you just text to be friends.” These cliches are so dull to me.
We’re texting to get a date. If that’s not what interests you, stop reading 🙂
1. The Text Torrent
Like a fresh-brewed cup of coffee, your excitement may be brimming over, but raining down a deluge of texts onto your potential partner is akin to drowning them in espresso; please just relax and be patient, Remember Mark Twain’s golden nugget of wisdom, “Brevity is the soul of wit.” Texting should mirror a casual game of tennis, not an intense volley of messages. You go back and forth. Avoid essays and paragraphs unless there’s a question from her that requires depth. This isn’t a hard rule. But I know most women don’t like reading essays from you and might wonder why you have so much time on your hands.
2. The Autocorrect Ambush
The hilarious thing about this is I text my partner with spelling mistakes and grammatical every day. One, cause I don’t give s hit to correct them, and two, I’ve always had big hands and sausage fingers. But please remember, a woman needs to get to know you first. So in the initial stages, you have to proofread so she doesn’t think you’re an idiot. Autocorrect is your friend who often has a devilish sense of humor, turning a harmless “Hey” into an awkward “Heavy.” Proofreading might seem archaic in our fast-paced world, but it is your ally in the war against Autocorrect’s embarrassing mishaps. But to be honest, if you want, just let the “ducking hilarious” stay there. I say do it!
3. The Emoji Escapade
I go back and forth with opinions on Emojis; they’re the modern hieroglyphics that bring color and zest to our textual exchanges. However, misuse or overuse can trigger a cringe-fest reminiscent of your dad’s disco moves at a family wedding. A study from Match.com suggested that frequent emoji users tend to have more active love lives. Intriguing, yes, but wield your emojis with discretion. An artfully used wink can be flirty; a haphazard eggplant might just put you in a pickle. I usually will end a message with a simile face just in case it comes across as demanding or an intrusive question. Texts can be interpreted any way, and I find emojis help to alleviate a possible negative assumption.
4. The Grammar Gaffe
A lot of women really get finicky with spelling mistakes or grammatical errors. I don’t know why; perhaps they can enlighten me in the comments. Just be extra judicious with this. You don’t have to be a scholar of any kind. Just watch simple spelling errors. Your texts may not require MLA citation, but let’s not abandon grammar entirely. “Your beautiful” might send your date on a scavenger hunt for this mysterious ‘beautiful,’ while “You’re beautiful” will likely light up their face with a smile. Punctuation is your unseen ally, bestowing upon your texts the rhythm and clarity of a symphony. It isn’t a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but at the very least, bars on the floor for you to get better at that.
5. The Sarcasm Snafu
Whenever you’re face-to-face, sarcasm can be a delightful show of wit, and it works cause they can hear your intonation, see your body language and see your facial expressions. They know you’re not being an asshole. But in the text verse, sans tone and facial cues, it can lead to confusion or, worse, offense. When in doubt, clarity trumps cunning wordplay. Save the sarcasm till you actually meet, even if you are “fluent in sarcasm.” It’s too much of a risk of scaring her away. Keep things pleasant and engaging.
6. The Lightning Response
The ‘ping’ of a text can be as adrenaline-inducing as the starting gun at a race for people who are really interested. Resist the urge to reply at Usain Bolt’s pace. Allow yourself a moment to compose a thoughtful response. This isn’t a sprint; it’s more of a leisurely jog. I’m not saying you should stagger your texts or play some kind of time game. But just relax and let the thoughts or responses marinate for a bit before you respond.
7. The Waiting Game Woe
On the flip side, the lightning response is leaving your potential date in the suspenseful limbo of waiting for your reply. Being elusive may have its charm, but respect for their time is a more attractive trait. Strike a balance between being responsive and retaining some positive mystique. I hate giving times you should text as it has to be unique to you, but consider waiting for an hour or less.
8. The Midnight Missive Mishap
Just because you’ve morphed into a night owl doesn’t mean your date has to. Late-night texts can feel intrusive and disruptive. Remember, the moonlit hours aren’t always the right time for a chat, especially when you’re just getting to know each other. I always say text around 12:00 pm to 10:00 pm. Again these are my own boundaries; do what’s unique for you.
9. The Boring Ass Text Monologue
Yes, it’s important to share about yourself, but remember, a conversation is a two-way street. If your texts start resembling a Shakespearean soliloquy rather than an engaging dialogue, you might want to hit the brakes. Texting is for short bursts of conversation, nothing more, nothing less.
10. The Overly Familiar Faux Pas
“Sweetie,” “Babe,” or “Love” can be endearing terms when you’re actively dating and have been seeing each other for a few weeks, but in the early stages of connection; they can be jarring and presumptuous. Certain women love certain endearing terms, and certain women hate them! So just call her by her name for now and be patient for the time of cutesy pet names to arrive.
What If…
What if they start with Flaking?
It’s a very regular thing where you’ll be the recipient of a phantom unresponsive or flaky individuals. It’s the nature of the beast, especially when you’re dealing with very attractive women. They simply have too many options. There might just have been a better option.
Please remember it’s likely not your texting skills at fault, but rather, but might also be the quality of your initial interaction, meaning you might have just been able to get her number, but it was average at best, and she got buyer’s remorse. You won’t be the first or last guy she does this to; brush it off and repeat the process with someone more receptive to your charms.
If your current approach of getting numbers isn’t working and leads to flakiness, it might be time for a change.
Often, women may casually share their number with no genuine intent of a future rendezvous. Some like attention, some like the idea of a lil puppy dog simping for a date, and some just have a lot going on and change their mind about wanting a date; they just lack the gumption to tell you. In these scenarios, you could send texts that would make even Shakespeare swoon, but it won’t matter because, in her mind, she’s already swiped left.
Learn to understand the underlying theories of sexual attraction and how they operate at an unconscious level. As humans, our sexual responses are often hard-wired and instinctive, less about logic and more about feelings and emotions.
How have you made her feel?
Can you say more with fewer words?
Consider the lessons of persuasive writing, which teach us to say more with fewer words. Think of texting as a tool to facilitate future hangouts rather than an exercise in endless banter. Texting is mere to set up meetings and have small chit-chat until then to wet each other’s appetite.
But besides the top 10 tips, let me break down the concept of texting to give you maximum solutions here. Hope they help!
RARE (Relevance, Aim, Resonance, Emotion)
Each text you send must serve a purpose, trigger emotions and resonate with your previous interactions. ‘Relevance’ encourages you to stick to topics of shared interest; ‘Aim’ suggests having a clear goal for each text (spark curiosity, set up a date); ‘Resonance’ is about connecting back to your past discussions; ‘Emotion’ indicates aiming to make her feel excited or intrigued. Help her to feel wonderful!
GEMS (Great Engagement Means Sparing)
Your texts should be like rare gems, each carrying value and impact rather than a flurry of confetti. You need to focus on ‘Great’ messages that effectively engage, ‘Engagement’ through exciting topics, and ensure they’re ‘Meaningful’ and ‘Sparing’ to avoid overwhelming her with a text avalanche.
Maestro
When to text and what to text? You’re the Maestro, conducting the symphony of your dating interaction. Reach out to her within 24 hours of getting her number, and make a connection to a unique moment from your earlier conversation.
WEST (Warm-up, Express plans, Suggest Time, Take charge)
For asking her out, Warm up with a casual chat, Express your plans confidently, Suggest a Time and location, and Take charge of the conversation. Picture yourself as Clint Eastwood in a spaghetti western, cool and collected as you steer the conversation. Even if she’s genuinely busy, stay composed and suggest an alternative, and please be considerate of her schedule and social life.
With these acronyms (RARE, GEMS, LEAD, Maestro, and WEST), the art of texting becomes much more navigable. It’s like walking a tightrope — balance is key, and these guidelines can be your safety net. Remember, the joy is in the journey and building attraction between both of you.
Perfecting the art of texting is akin to walking a tightrope. One wrong step could see you tumbling into the abyss. But with these guidelines, you’re well on your way to walking that rope like a seasoned acrobat. Keep your texts interesting and your intentions clear.
So, there you have it! Navigate these texting pitfalls with poise and a sense of humor, and your chances of securing that coveted date will shine brighter than ever.
I would wish you luck, but you don’t need it!
Are you ready to take your first dates from mediocre to mind-blowing? Look no further, my friends! I have the secret weapon you need in my new book, “The First Date Fix,” available now on Amazon. With practical tips and advice for making a great impression on your first date, you’ll be well on your way to finding love or at least having a fun and enjoyable evening. Plus, for even more dating tips and tricks, make sure to follow me on Instagram, Pinterest, TikTok, and Youtube. I promise you won’t regret it. Don’t let another first date pass you by without making the most of it. Get “The First Date Fix” today and start your journey to success in the dating world!
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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