I refuse to believe people like Brock Turner somehow define a dark shadow that resides in all men.
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Few stories are as raw and inspiring as the letter written by the young Stanford Rape Victim. Her vulnerability and nakedness were a stark contrast to the letter penned by Brock Turner’s father who apparently failed to comprehend the trauma his son caused this young woman. Instead of showing remorse for baring her to the torments of what may be lurking in the shadows, Mr. Turner claimed his son was victimized by the apparent unrestrained nature of intoxication. Unfortunately, Mr. Turner’s thoughtless contention is just one brush stroke in a larger picture of the lack of accountability and the unnerving casual excuses we make for assaulting women.
But I’m sure he will one day justify his actions to his children as a cautionary tale of how the violent emotions of alcohol got the better of him.
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Sadly people like Mr. Turner find it easier to shift blame by excusing an attacker’s behavior on the apparent invitation of a provocative skirt or the compromising effects of alcohol. Responsibility is pardoned as young men follow like flies by claiming university culture brings out the barbarity in all of them. After all boys will be boys and girls should know better than to play in the lion’s den. However this unconcerned exoneration for the actions of a few paints an ill-considered conception of sexual assault. Not only do these excuses objectify women but they also portray men as brute savages who have zero control over their sexual urges. Perhaps we should be wearing signs that say, “Caution I’m capable of rape.”
Somehow we find it easier to label assault as a cultural phenomenon rather than condemn it. But is this really the message we want to convey to our sons, that it’s ok to see women as bodies meant to be filled with their uncontrollable lustful desires? And if they brutally assault one then it isn’t necessarily their fault?
Sadly Brock Turner falls in line with this kind of thinking. And what’s even sadder is how some people agree with him. He will have to spend some time in prison and his name will forever be linked to assault. But I’m sure he will one day justify his actions to his children as a cautionary tale of how the violent emotions of alcohol got the better of him. And so the circle will repeat itself and Brock will fail to teach his children the important attributes of accountability and defending those who cannot defend themselves just as his father failed in teaching these most pivotal lessons in becoming a man by instead allowing him to cower behind a cowardly defense.
Yet haven’t we all at one time or another put ourselves in a compromising position that didn’t end with us waking up trying to figure out a way to justify leaving a young woman behind a dumpster like a piece of trash?
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As more and more details come out of this story, it is clear that Brock Turner did not see this young woman as a person and perhaps never will. But I refuse to believe people like Brock somehow define a dark shadow that resides in all men; that perhaps women would be better off letting us play alone like beasts in a cage. After all one in six women are victims of some form of sexual assault. Yet haven’t we all at one time or another put ourselves in a compromising position that didn’t end with us waking up trying to figure out a way to justify leaving a young woman behind a dumpster like a piece of trash? Were we lucky or was it something else? Perhaps, just perhaps we were taught how to respect one another which fortunately no amount of alcohol can erase.
So in the end I hope this young woman finds peace and is not tormented by the shadows but comes to understand that your story has inspired many of us to come out of the darkness to support you and women like you who were meant to feel as provocateurs and instigators rather than as victims. Because of your voice, absurd arguments put forth by those who lack accountability will be drowned out in a wave of togetherness.
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Photo: Getty Images
Every body acts in their own self interest. A new born baby is found in a dumpster murdered by it’s mother and unlikely rape which is perpetrator by men and women, it’s almost if not alwats exclusively the mother who is the perpetrator. She had reasons. Maybe she’d have to drop out of school or quit partying. She had options though like abortion, adoption, or even safe harbor laws. The baby just wasn’t worth the effort. I refuse to believe that this is something that resides in all women. Why are people only shocked when it’s men? Does that suggest… Read more »
Nice piece Phillip. And I do agree with it. I will just say that while most men would not think – even drunkingly – that assaulting a woman behind a dumpster was okay – there are smaller more insidious ways that even good men contribute to this culture that women exist to provide sex on some level. I understand a good man’s need to separate himself from men like Brock. Brock should not be held as a representation of all men. But ignoring that even good men and women fall into these cultural traps may be just as dangerous. Lets… Read more »
When guys talk about guys sending images of women they’ve had sex with. I think it’s worse than what you suggest. They do it to brag. I guy I worked with about 15 years ago was showing a video of a topless woman he . I asked him who she was and was told that it was just a girl he slept with. I asked him if she knew he took the video and he said that she consented to take the picture, but he seemed smug when he said that she doesn’t know he took a video. I got… Read more »
Like John says I think the picture and video sharing is an extension of the expectation that men be full of sexual knowledge and experience. Well when a guy talks about who he has been with proof will undoubtedly be requested. Consent for the pictures, while a valid point, would only treat a symptom not get to the root cause. The root cause being men being expected to have lots of sex with lots of women. Removing that expectation would solve a lot of issues I think. It’s not just “men feel entitled to women’s bodies”. Its more like, “men… Read more »