The best advice I ever heard came from my wonderful mother-in-law, Elsie. I was about to marry her son and I was struggling with a major decision. I had already decided on the place, the dress, the flowers, and other wedding details. However, I couldn’t decide if I should invite my parents to the wedding.
I’ve had an atypical relationship with my parents, and that’s putting it mildly. A few months before the wedding, there had been several arguments with painful words exchanged and we hadn’t really been speaking. Our communication was limited to conversations about my son and details to arrange their visits with him.
Although I was getting married for the second time, I knew in my heart that I was finally marrying the right person. I wanted my Dad to walk me down the aisle. I wanted the perfect wedding day. I wanted my parents to be happy for me, but they weren’t. The thought of not inviting them to my wedding was heartbreaking. I felt like an ungrateful daughter and a terrible person.
When I discussed it with Elsie, I remember her saying that she couldn’t tell me what to do but she could say that whatever I decide, “make sure you won’t regret it, either way”. Regret wasn’t something I had considered. Her advice made me realize that I would only have one chance to make a decision that I would have to live with for the rest of my life.
I agonized over my choice, keeping Elsie’s words in mind. I decided not to invite my parents to the wedding. It was a small event. The only guests were our three sons, Elsie, and a volunteer from the hospice service. Elsie had cancer and the volunteer was there to help with her needs so my husband and I could concentrate on our day.
Elsie died one week after our wedding. Every year we celebrate our anniversary and a week later we honor her memory. Although I only knew her for a short two years (not long enough), her impact on my life has been incredibly profound and I’m reminded of (all) her wise words on practically a daily basis.
It’s been 16 years since she died, over 16 years since she gave me the best advice I ever heard. To this day, I don’t regret my decision. Even after my Dad’s death in 2014, I know I made the best choice for how things were at the time. I’m grateful to Elsie for being a part of my life and for raising such an incredible son. It was a perfect wedding!
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Photo by Harry Sandhu on Unsplash