The short answer is yes, the boy will more than likely be an adult version of the boy who walks beside you. Be careful with your future. You only get one.
So, imagine the jock you have your eye on. Imagine him not going into sports, but getting into sales at a small company after high school. What if he was just playing because he had a lot of energy?
Imagine the boy who you discarded becoming a GQ model.
Imagine the shy boy doing a whole career in the military, leading combat operations.
Psychology
In order to actually know the boy you think you like, you have to know them personally. And there are ONLY 2 things to look at. Neither of these you will see at school.
- You must see how they are when they are face-to-face with what they fear
- And you must see how they navigate when they are stressed to the breaking point.
That is who they are.
You can look it up anywhere in scholarly and peer-reviewed articles. Men will either own their land or be effected by external influence. You cannot be in a relationship with a man that has a messed up compass. The compass must point to truth and leadership and it must to point you.
Abusive? Your “jock” might not be an athlete at all, but in sports only to get away from his abusive parents. When he is stressed, he goes back to what he knows and what he knows is his parents punch things. And a bully might appear to be good at a sport, because other players are scared of him, but when put with a college player just 3 years older and gets annihilated his “skill” merely came from others giving it to him. He shrivels up like a quitter. If he can’t win you, he will either swivel up if he feels scared or he will lash out.
Do not replace a boy’s comfort zone with overcoming fear or working through stress. A boy might be comfortable being the center of attention and so that does not mean he has attained anything. If he is naturally great at public speaking, that does not account for any work. Good men build other men. A good boy who will turn out to be a good man will learn to do the same.
Bring a boy to his ends. Find what he is scared of and watch him respond. Find what stresses him out and watch him respond.
A boy that pushes back, gets offensive, or cannot navigate the new lands is a boy that will destroy the life you want and you with it. The shy boy might not be creepy, but reserved, merely has poor parents, is still learning English, or is coming back from a catastrophic event like a champ. When you see him in his element he blows you away.
Conclusion
You owe boys nothing. Learn who he is. If he doesn’t let you in, find someone new. Learn other boys, too, don’t get locked into 1 until all things line up.
He must do well with approaching fear, if he is going to be a good man.
He must do well with approaching stress, if he is going to be a good man.
Your life is in your hands. Happy Hunting!
Thank you for reading! Thank you for sharing!! Thank you for reading more!!! Thank you for positive comments!!!!
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
 White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism |
 Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box |
 The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer |
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Photo credit: iStockPhoto.com
