One can learn by the commission of acts by another and one can learn by the omission of acts. I learned both ways from my father.
Daddy was a good provider. Our family of seven never had a day of want. We never worried about our next meal, where we were going to spend the night, or the cost of health care. I learned self-sufficiency.
I also learned from the things my father did not do. He never said, “I love you.” I know he did, judging from his care, but I longed to hear those words. From his act of omission, I learned to express my love to those close to me.
There are two ways to make a mule move, the carrot or the stick; positive reinforcement or negative. It is a metaphor for the use of reward or punishment to induce a desired behavior. I learned to use the carrot with my son.
“Try it this way,” I would say to Charlie, in an effort to redirect his actions. “That’s the way to do it,” were my words of praise when he accomplished a task.
My dad used the stick. “You’ll never amount to anything,” he would admonish. “You’re stupid!” I strived to prove him wrong.
“See, I can do it,” I would scream with my actions. “I do amount to something! I don’t need your approval or disapproval!”
These thoughts were the words of my internal paternal. They say, “The child is father to the man.” One’s experiences in childhood influence the actions of the adult.
I thank my father for the guidance he gave. I pray the lessons of omission ended with my generation.
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FAQs – About The Good Men Project
What is The Good Men Project?
The Good Men Project is a mission-driven media platform founded in 2010 that explores modern masculinity, men’s mental health, relationships, fatherhood, identity, and social change through personal stories, expert insights, and cultural analysis.
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Our mission is to expand the conversation about what it means to be a good man in the 21st century — in ways that are inclusive, emotionally honest, and grounded in real human experience.
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Because masculinity shapes how men show up in relationships, families, workplaces, and communities. Examining it thoughtfully helps reduce harm, challenge stereotypes, and create healthier outcomes for everyone.
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