Unconditional love is what everybody wants, right? We don’t want people to love us for what we have or what we do. We don’t want to be loved for what we can give or for our physical characteristics. We don’t want to be loved by the people we know or the destinations we fancy. We all desire to be loved for who we are inside.
Yet, we often place conditions on the love that we give.
📌 I will love you as long as you act how I want you to act.
📌 I will love you if you do what I want you to do, when I want you to do it.
📌 I will love you if you never change.
The conditions we place on our love are not only unrealistic, but usually completely unbeknownst to us.
It is likely that you are unaware of your own love restrictions. You probably do not realize that one of the reasons that your relationship does not feel the way you want it to feel is that your desire to shape and control the other person makes it difficult for you to experience love in the first place.
The truth is, you cannot restrict the giving of your own love without strangling your ability to receive love.
Love flows in both directions, so if you build a dam to prevent your love from getting out, you also block love from getting in. And here’s kicker… you cannot block specific people from your love, without blocking everyone. It’s an all or nothing kinda deal.
The way you desire to be loved is aligned with the way you love others. So if you love with a closed fist, you will be loved in kind.
But just as the conditions of love are often unrealistic, the idea of unconditional love is too. And while love demands freedom, it also requires boundaries.
Healthy love requires the following conditions:
1. Respect – for yourself and your partner.
2. Compassion – for yourself and your partner.
3. Appreciation – for yourself and your partner.
When you respect yourself, you know where the line is… and when you respect your partner, you know not to cross it.
When you are compassionate to yourself, you can be kind to you when you make a mistake… and when you respect your partner you can sympathize when he/she does too.
When you appreciate yourself, you recognize your own value… and when you appreciate your partner you can value his/her contribution to your life.
❣️ Real love requires healthy, stable conditions in order to thrive.
It is entirely possible to love with your whole heart while maintaining the personal limits and boundaries that nourish the well-being of all parties.
I invite you to take a look at the environment of your relationship(s). Are the conditions healthy?
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