The Consequences of Trust in Relationships

The power went out in November
because Ellie ran off with some guy
and her sticky fingers
collected my wallet and maxed
out my credit cards.
Ellie’s way of apologizing was by pouring
me a cup of my favorite peppermint coffee.
But that was a thing of the past.

Lightning struck through the clouds,
and thunder screeched through the sky.
I reached to my head and moved
my fingers through my thick, dark hair.
I moved my hand to my neck
and moved my nails around.

My face hadn’t seen a razor in days.
A flame danced through shadows
from an evergreen candle that her mother
gifted us on our wedding day.

I sat at my walnut desk with a pen
and a notepad.
What I had to say only my fingers
knew how to say.

I held a slender white stick
that simmered between
my fingers and a drag.
I set the cigarette
in the glass tiger ashtray.

I had it in me to end me,
but these thoughts spilled
on the page, and I wanted
to see where they took me.
Would I win in the end?
Or would I die trying
to fill someone else’s shoes?

I played my father’s part.
The guy scared me to death,
but before he died, he told me
it was all he knew.
I brought home a paycheck
and I gave her what she wanted
or what I thought made her happy.
But when times fell hard and a virus
shut down the firm; I had time,
but my identity with cash emptied
my jeans pockets.

Ellie made the money then,
and she let me know it.
Even though I helped her through college,
she dropped me like my mother dropped
me onto my grandmother’s porch.
She got clean, and we’re good friends
Mom and I.

Love had attachment issues with me.
The strings untangled a web of deceit.
I lied over us to everyone; I lied to Mom;
when I said Ellie loved me, I lied to me.
Before I could iron out my thoughts,
I was on the fifth page.

Some things made sense and other things
I blew over like when Ellie blew us over.
I yawned, and I blinked my heavy lids until I couldn’t.
Soft rays lingered through the beige window,
spreading across shadows on the maroon walls.
I lifted my head off the desk, hearing the coffeemaker percolating peppermint coffee that waved through the living room.

Did someone break in?
I arched a brow, opened
a drawer, and reached for my pistol.
“It’s not in there,” Ellie said.
I twisted around. “I hid the gun just in case you decided to take me out.” Ellie was curled in a dark holiday hoodie, wrapped in a crimson throw blanket. She blew steam from the brim of a mug and took quick sips.
“What do you want?” I said.
“It’s my house, too,” she said with her chest.
I lifted and lowered my hands. “You take my wallet, and leave with some dude?”
Ellie chuckled, covered her mouth, and burst into laughter.
“I’m glad this is funny,” I said. My cheeks warmed.
“I’m not-”
“Who is he?” I said, angrier than I’d wanted to.
“Sure you want to know?” Ellie wrinkled her forehead.
“Yes,” I said, conflicted about wanting to know.
“You know him,” she said, moving her wrist across a single drop from her glassy eye that rolled down her cheek.
“You cheated with someone who knows me?” I punched my fists into my hand. “When I get my hands on-”
“It’s you,” she said, wrapping her long, red hair around her neck.
“You can’t be serious?” I stood and rested my hands on my hips.
“I wanted you to notice me like you used to.”
“I thought you wanted money?”
“We need money.” Ellie nodded and looked ahead. “But we have plenty of money.”
“We don’t need anything from anyone,” Ellie said. “I know you’re insecure about my parent’s wealth, but you’ve made something of yourself,” Ellie said. “We’ve made something of ourselves.”
I choked back a lump in my throat. “But why take my wallet and shut off the power?”
“It had to look real,” Ellie said. “I dropped hints at what it meant to feel ignored, only to feel ignored.”
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I read your work.”
“And?” I said.
“Let’s write an ending that melts hearts.” Ellie winked, stood, and closed the distance between us. She threw her arms around my neck, and our kiss felt brand new.