My girlfriend says she would like to be a fly
on the wall between two urinals.
“What would I overhear?” she asks me.
I tell her the last time a man spoke to me
above a urinal, I think he said, “How about them Bruins?”
“And what did you say in return?” she wants to know.
I say I didn’t know what to say because
I don’t know anything about hockey,
and I didn’t watch the game or even know
there was one. But I didn’t want him
to know that.
So I think I said, “Goddamn!”
because it sounded heartfelt yet noncommittal,
because he may or may not have been a Bruins fan,
and because the Bruins may or may not have won,
and because he was trying to make contact
with his gender, and if I said I didn’t see the game,
or if I said I didn’t follow hockey or don’t
give a shit about the Bruins, he would probably
feel like he hadn’t made contact. And I would feel
less of a man.
So I said, “Goddamn!” and he said
“Unbelievable!” and shook his head in approval,
or maybe it was disapproval – it was hard to tell, I tell her,
because the whole thing was more or less peripheral.
Originally published on Heart of a Man
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