Everything in life comes at a price, including caregiving. The first and most typical starting point would be the financial considerations yet it’s rarely the first cost to reach a family.
Unfortunately subtle changes begin to show up that affect everyone’s way of life first. So often you will hear about the “new normal” that must be adjusted to. The new normal at first can be as simple as increased Dr. visits, nothing to be alarmed about, but certainly can present a scheduling issue. Or it can be noticing a loved one is more tired than usual, presenting itself as more family functions and events missed by them.
Often signs of aging and limitations will begin to show up in our parents environment as well. Things that years gone by would quickly and easily be handled by them are no longer being done. Before you know it, you’re making a more concerted effort to check in with them and/or doing just a bit more of their to do list.
These changes can and often do happen so subtle that your best indicator you may be entering more of an active role in your parents life is the push back you receive. While you may be noticing the limitations, your parents have actually been experiencing these limitations. Huge difference. This is a not an easy thing for any of us, least of all our parents who are accustomed to being the helpers, not the helped. This is the source of the push back.
Don’t take it personal, instead consider this an opportune time to have some open conversations with your parents about aging, their needs, their wants and expectations. Use this as a breaking in for yourself as well, what are your thoughts, needs and expectations when it comes to your parents aging?
In this way, costs can be shifted into trade-offs, acceptable to all involved.