“Well this life that I live took me everywhere
There ain’t no place I ain’t never gone
Well it’s kind of like the sayin’
That you heard so many times
Well there just ain’t no place like home.” — Lynyrd Skynyrd, All I Can Do Is
Write About It
. . .
Day 7 & 8
I was a breakdown away from deleting my Medium account yesterday.
I’ve had plenty of those to go around lately.
I thought writing online was my weakness. I feared everything I’ve expressed for the last two years to the entire world would somehow be counted against me at the end of the day.
I’ve been anxious and hesitant to write my true story.
. . .
Today I realized why writing online and expressing myself caused such a big reaction from my ex-husband in the past.
He was losing the control he thought he had over me.
I realize why he convinced me that the only reason why he followed me to Medium, made an account of his own, and tracked my activity online every day was that he cared so much about me.
He wanted to know everything I was thinking, he said.
He matched his pen last name to mine — as if he owned me. Like I, my thoughts and feelings belonged to him.
. . .
The good news is in the face of flight or fight — I chose the latter.
I needed those two years to write my little heart out on here and make peace with the undeniable. I needed time to digest that my worst fear has come true; I was indeed that slow-boiling frog in the tepid pot of water for years.
I can’t be afraid anymore. I won’t be afraid anymore.
I am free.
Today, Day 8, I realized one more thing; you guys are my strength, and Medium is my home. The support I’ve received from everyone has left me flabbergasted. Thank you. I will not be rendered speechless ever again. My voice will only get more precise with unshakeable conviction as my years on Medium pass.
. . .
“Healing from pain is a choice. You have to consciously decide that you deserve to feel free, that you deserve to let go of the weight that has been holding you down for too long.” — Somewhere on Instagram
. . .
If you are in immediate danger, call 9–1–1. For anonymous, confidential help, please contact The National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1–800–799–7233 (SAFE) or 1–800–787–3234 (TTY)
Thank you for your love and support. You Are Loved. ❤
—
This post was previously published on Medium.
***
If you believe in the work we are doing here at The Good Men Project and want a deeper connection with our community, please join us as a Premium Member today.
Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS. Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
—
Photo credit: Author