The Endless Cycle of Situationships

Situationships hurt a lot more than relationships when they end because of the grudging feeling of what could’ve been, all the potential that we saw in someone who didn’t exist.

The funny thing about it is that we all know when a situationship is going to be a situationship. We just love to fool ourselves thinking it could turn into something more, I know at least I did know by the behavior, the signs are always there we just covered with how much we want it to work.

Those people who mislead you to believe they want more, ghost you, and do the bare minimum just to have you waiting on them but not actually wanting to be with you, always end up losing in the long run.

Not knowing what they want, hurting people in the process

It’s completely normal that sometimes people don’t know what they want, we are constantly in search of what makes us feel alive, what drives us, and for us to achieve that we will have to try whole on different things every time.

However, I think people in situationship know what they want or at a certain stage they discover and continue misleading the person just for their benefit, if people during a situationship were honest about their intentions it would be much easier to find what they are looking for.

Not every person wants to be in a relationship, so why not find someone who’s in the same mindset as you, just for fun? Why is it that people who are not interested in a relationship search for people who want one, knowing they won’t be able to commit?

It is because at the end of the day, they only care about feeling loved, filling a void without any commitment, being the center of someone’s world and they know a person who’s playing the same game as they won’t make them a priority let along feel loved like a person who wants to build something real with them.

Repeating the cycle

People who aren’t determined to work through their issues are doomed to repeat the same cycle all over again, and that goes for the people who are been the ones deceived in the situationships as well as for the people who stay after noticing they won’t commit.

I’m a cycle repeater, I have been at that moment when you keep wondering; what is wrong with me? Why do I keep finding the same guy in different versions? Am I the problem?

Truth is we are actually part of the problem, it is 50% our fault as well

It’s easy to wonder why we don’t find a partner who wouldn’t commit to us when we are searching for the same patrons all over again, and they will continue showing up if we don’t change that mindset and rewire the things we find attractive because when we are spending to much time in a situationship meaning a time frame we could have got meeting someone new who actually it’s worth the time.

For the longest time, I blamed ‘’my luck’’ which was just another excuse for not changing behaviors and patterns, it wasn’t easy, and sometimes still have those self-destructive behaviors but until we don’t accept the fact that we also have a play to the part we will continue making the same choices that will leave us to heartbreak and low esteem all over again.

What works for me is to start with small steps, doing the opposite of what I want it to do, It is a major internal fight and feels awful to constantly deny what you want, however what we want in that stage is just a temporally relief and deep down we are aware of that.

Its that feeling when someone left you on read for 8 hours and you are determined to not speak to them again and as soon as they text you, you forget everything that you were thinking of during those 8 hours, is a temporally relief for something that will keep happening.

Passing from a situationship to another

When people aren’t ready for commitment is because their still things to work through that haven’t been solved and it’s okay to not be ready for commitment what I consider to be hurtful is to continue searching for someone who wants to be partners with knowing you won’t meet them halfway, so there’s also something to heal, that people are afraid of end up alone or with someone who doesn’t care about them.

The ones who are looking for the benefits of a relationship without the commitment, are also repeating the cycle, constantly looking for people who can feel the void without giving anything in return.

I have close friends who are been through, being the ones who are interested in the situation and not the commitment and then wondering why they ‘’don’t find anyone special’’ its because they aren’t ready to do as much as they wanna say they do.

They probably find great people who are special and hurt them in the process of thinking it will be a great fit for the situation ship but not for a long time commitment.

If it was a person who was ready for commitment probably would see were things go and as soon as he realizes is not the type of person they wanna have a relationship with end things properly without misleading or giving ‘’more time’’ to see if they can love them when people go through that stage is clearly they are the ones who aren’t ready because the other person is not what they wanted.

You could find the partner of your dreams and lose it if you are not ready for a commitment and a change of mindset.

Staying true to what you want will serve you in the long run

If what you are looking for is a relationship don’t lie to yourself getting into a situationship just because of what you are feeling at the moment, most of the time if you have doubts somebody wants to be with you is probably because they aren’t doing the effort to be with you, so stay truth to what you already know and not to the rollercoaster of yes or no.

Walking away from someone you idealized and saw the potential to be everything you’re looking for is hard but it’s harder staying with someone who doesn’t value enough to have a relationship, someone who chooses all over again to just give you the bare minimum knowing you deserve more.

If you are someone who wants to be in a situationship, it’s totally valid, you can go ahead and find someone who’s in the same stage as you are but doesn’t fool yourself by getting into someone who wants a long-term partner, you won’t be able to give them what they want and on the long run once you lose them as much as you like them you won’t be able to get them back.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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