The Essential Dos and Don’ts for Dealing With Toxic Behavior

Do you know someone bitter, self-centered, manipulative, and causing negativity in your life? Someone who makes you want to run out of the room every time? Yes, that’s a toxic person.

Dealing with toxic people and behaviors is a slippery slope. However, it’s essential to help you lead a happy life. You often can’t ignore them altogether, yet you cannot let them spread negativity into you.

So what is the solution to this predicament?

Here’s a guide of dos and don’ts of dealing with toxic behaviors. It may just save the day for you!

1. Maintain Your Calm

Maintaining your calm in all situations is an excellent idea. But it is easier said than done. If someone with toxic behavior is acting up, this trait becomes more crucial. Such a person may try to mock or degrade you because of their insecurities, but you need to stay calm.

Typically, toxic people will make harsh personal comments. Some of these people thrive on hate. As long as you don’t argue, they hold no power to damage you.

2. Don’t Get Sucked in

Toxic people can spread their negative vibes in a hurry. You may be discussing a casual subject with them, and next thing you know, you have entered into a heated argument. For toxic people, that is the routine and one that they thrive on.

You must not get sucked into heated debates. Let them win the argument for your own peace and tranquility. It seems annoying to let them win, but you risk becoming a toxic person yourself if you follow their lead. It’s not worth it just to prove them wrong.

One of my patients, John, was stressed out due to constant mocking by a coworker for his innovative presentation ideas. There was always a smart comment aimed to make John look silly. Other coworkers told him to pay no heed but he argued with the fellow and even tried to reason with him.

However, John soon realized that getting sucked into the situation was a win for the toxic colleague. In future presentations, John simply ignored his rhetoric, and that eventually silenced his coworker.

3. Empathize but Don’t Try to Fix Them

Empathy is a very powerful emotion and a critical human trait. It helps you stay grounded and understand problems faced by others. You must empathize with toxic people just like anyone else.

However, empathizing is one thing; trying to fix their issues is quite another. In most cases, the latter is a bad idea, and you should avoid it. Most toxic people are narcissistic and will see your sincere attempts as personal attacks. They’re likely going to respond harshly, which will badly affect your relationship.

4. Limit Interaction

Limiting your interaction will help you avoid the negative energies stemming from toxic people. The less you have to deal with their attitude, the better. If necessary, try to have scheduled meetings with such people and come prepared to avoid their negative energies.

Even when you meet, it is best to have other people present so you can change the topic easily. If you meet them alone, discuss lighter topics. Keep your talk generic and not focused on serious issues. It also helps to know what they genuinely like and talk about their interests.

5. Tell Them About their Behaviour

No one is perfect, and people often don’t realize their mistakes until someone points them out. If you’re dealing with a toxic person on a regular basis, you can communicate with them about the problem. Be polite, but firm and control your emotions when you converse.

I’ve listed a couple of examples below:

“ You said you would be here at 11:00 am and you are late once again. If you can’t fulfill your promises, we cannot be friends.”
“ I don’t like it when you make negative comments about my friends. I’d rather not be a part of this conversation”

Pay attention to their reactions, and if they react strongly or rudely, it is best to change the topic. Some of these people may appreciate your effort and even try to mend their ways. However, problem identification is enough and you should not try to be their messiah.

6. Set Personal Boundaries

Sometimes you will find toxic people in your immediate family. They may be present in your close friends’ circle too. You just can’t avoid them all the time. However, you can ensure that they do not violate your personal space. You must set personal boundaries – aspects of your life that are off-limits for others.

If a toxic person brings up a personal issue you do not want to talk about, politely tell them you’re not discussing it. Be firm in your stance so that they don’t bring it up later. If you must, remind them they’re crossing the limits.

In most cases, they will also understand that you don’t like their meddling in everything. If someone still intrudes, stop talking to them. Allowing anyone to violate your personal space will make your life much more challenging.

7. Don’t Get Manipulated

Toxic people are well versed in manipulating others’ feelings for their own benefit. They know how to play with your emotions and get what they want. You must not adhere to their self-serving agenda, especially if it requires you to make compromises.

A toxic person focuses on their wants and needs while ignoring yours. You should not allow them to use you as a tool to satisfy their wishes. Toxic people will make you feel guilty for not fulfilling their agenda. You should not feel any guilt if you did nothing wrong.

In fact, if you don’t allow toxic people to manipulate you, it will essentially reduce their ill impact on your life. You also send a strong message that they should not mess with you.

8. Get Some Away Time

Giving yourself a break is an excellent way to relax. It becomes even more important if you deal with toxic behavior regularly. You must take it easy and relax once you’re away from such people. The best way is to accept their issues and move on, forgetting what negative things they said or did earlier.

Indulge in some fun activity and spend more time with the people that matter the most to you. Getting ample rest also allows you to feel better after negative interactions. Find what keeps you sane and follow that routine amidst all the negativity around you.

An old buddy of mine, Jim, had a truly toxic boss, and he couldn’t stop complaining about him. After an initial discussion, I suggested he indulge in an activity to help take his mind off from work stuff. Jim soon started playing squash and spent more time with the family. Cutting down on watching TV and mobile usage also helped. While there are different tactics you can use to deal with a toxic boss, the ones Jim utilized certainly help in the short term.

The Bottom Line

It isn’t fun to be around toxic people. It can become more complicated if you need to deal with them regularly. Instead of getting back at them, it’s better to take the higher road. This does not mean that you let them annoy you; instead, you should focus on dealing with them.

All you need to do is empathize with them and do not take their negative actions personally. Talk to them about their issues, though do not try to fix them. Respect their boundaries and ensure that they respect yours.

Limit your interactions and keep your discussions uncomplicated. You should never let them manipulate you. At the end of the day, you can manage such people by understanding their issues and using the right tools to counter them.

Daniel Lichtman is a Registered Psychotherapist (PACFA Australia) and Certified Transformational Coach (Circling Institute, USA) with over 8,000 hours of experience. He supports couples to help thriving relationships and offers online and offline sessions at Integrated Way.

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This post was previously published on Projectenergise.com.

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