Verbal vs. Non-verbal Communication.
What the two different types of friend zones mean and the recommendations to improve upon such an issue.
Type I: “He or She’s out of my league!”
What we do to ourselves when we see or know somebody we are attracted to, desire, and want in a partner and lover. We come up with excuses on why we can’t attract, build rapport, and seduce them. We metaphorically shoot ourselves in the foot. In other words, we come up with mental scenarios on why we can’t accomplish our goals or make a plan a reality. This is known as limiting beliefs. Limiting beliefs are those which constrain us in some way. Just by believing them, we do not think, do or say the things that they inhibit. And in doing so we impoverish our lives. We may have beliefs about rights, duties, abilities, permissions and so on. They’re the opposite of affirmations (positive self-talk).
Recommendations: Be Positive, Find Value in Every Situation, Be in the Moment, Be Present, Use your sense of humour to bring a genuine smile and laughter for yourself and others around you, Stand Out from the crowd (Look Up: Peacock Seduction Theory)- accessorizing, Put Yourself Out There (Communicate your feelings with words, facial expressions and body language positioning, Go through Exposure Therapy, Freud’s Talking Cure, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) or Emotional Freedom Technique (Tapping) if that’s an option for you which may be recommended by your health specialist, Seek help from an ethical and moral dating, relationship, life coach.
When your potential suitor (the one you want as a partner/lover/interest) is the one to really reject you by either verbally telling you she or he isn’t interested in that way directly or indirectly. Also, the person you’re interested in can communicate that they’re not interested non-verbally. Remember, communication consists of three elements: 55% is body language, 38% is voice tonality, and 7% are the words coming out of one’s mouth, alone.
Signals and recommendations: If their entire body from head to toes isn’t facing you, chances are he or she just isn’t interest nor attracted to you. In addition, you can look into their eyes (signs of arousal) as they’re the window to one’s soul and pay attention to one’s micro expressions to see if their smile when they’re around you is sincere. Genuine Smile indicators to look for include: wrinkles in lower eye-lid, nasio-labio fold, crows feet wrinkles, raised cheeks, and upturned mouth (Dr Paul Ekman). Also, learn about proxemics (study of body positioning) and kinesics (study of physical gestures). Space boundaries consists of: Public Space (3.6 to 7.6 m), Social Space (1.2 to 3.6 m), Personal Space (.45 to 1.2 m), and Intimate Space (0 to .45 m). A person may be attracted or interested in you when he or she breaks your personal or intimate space. Do NOT look for all these signs and assume somebody is giving you indicators of interest (IoIs).
To properly read each sign and people in what they’re sub-communicating, follow the 3 Cs Guideline: 1. Context- what one non-verbal cue means in one scenario may be different in another. For example, if one is inside and they’re crossing their arms, it could mean they’re cold. If they’re outside and the weather is sunny and hot and you the full context of what’s going on, then they could be insecure or hiding something (uncomfortable)., 2. Congruency- make sure one’s verbal and non-verbal communication are consist/linear. For example, if one says their confident verbally and their body language says their shrugged, then their non-verbal language is really saying they’re not confident. It’s like integers (a positive and negative together is an equivalent of a negative; +/- = -)., and 3. Clusters: Observe and evaluate things based on parts rather than the entire picture. For example, you observe and evaluate a part of the essay (sentences/paragraphs) rather than the entire essay (The Definitive Book of Body Language).
Here are some signs to look for whether one is interested or attracted to another:
Eyes display arousal, their pulses are rising (also a sign of anxiety), they have a genuine smile, they’re mirroring your non-verbal language (body positioning), their feet (direction of the subconscious mind) are facing towards you, they’re displaying open body positioning (for example, their palms and hands are facing towards you) rather than being defensive. Mirroring Behaviour or Postural Mirroring is intended to create complementary transactions at the physical level. Individuals will arrange their bodies so as to mimic the person they are interacting with. Grooming Behaviour is intended to promote the attractiveness of the person doing the grooming. Individuals will re-arrange various objects such as body parts, clothing, etc. to present the best possible image, particularly when meeting someone who is a potential sexual partner. Examples include: Hair Wiping and Clothing Manipulation (adjusting clothes- i.e. collar).
Practice and Practice and Practice your communication, social, people, presentation, marketing, influencing/persuasion skills in all parts of your life by learning to be more emotionally expressive mature person and be visually presentable. The three components to influence and persuasion are having to appeal and influence 3 parts of our brain: 1. The logical brain (Neo-cortex), 2. The Primal Brain (R-Complex), and 3. The Emotional Brain (The Limbic System).
Book recommendations and other resources on influence, persuasion, communication, social, people, presentation, relationship skills:
Webs of Influence- The Psychology of Online Persuasion
Author: Nathalie Nahai, The Web Psychologist
The Definitive Book of Body Language by Allan and Barbara Pease
The Rules of The Game by Neil Strauss (Author of The Game: Penetrating the secret society of Pick Up Artists)
Emotions Revealed by Dr. Paul Ekman (Lie to Me)
Law of Attraction by Michael J. Losier
Split Second Persuasion by Kevin Dutton
The Art of Seduction, and Mastery (two books) by Robert Greene
Companies/Consulting Businesses: Love Systems, Venusian Arts, Ars Amorata (The Art of Love), Jordan Gray Consulting, The Wing Method, Ethical Pick Up, Authentic Man Project, The Social Man Project, The Moral Compass of Attraction, Social Adaptation, ABCs of Attraction, Style Life Academy, Charismatic Arts,, and .
This article originally appeared on The Moral Compass of Attraction and Social Adaptation.
Photo credit: Getty Images